What is the point of work?

 This post is more of a rant and a moment of self-reflection for me.  One thing I've noticed is that:  I have no motivation to work.  I do what must be done, and nothing more.  This is basically a summation of why I am this way, and a way to organize my thoughts about the matter.

First of all, there is a history lesson here.  I grew up in a household where hard work was not appreciated.  The way I grew up was, I was ordered to work (do chores), but with zero gratification behind it.  Yes, I understand completely that chores are a required thing kids have to do.  This is all part of being part of a household, and I raise my son with the same expectations... you live in my house, you do chores.

However, my son is also incentivized to WANT to do chores.  He knows that if he does his chores, he gets to have some fun afterwards.  He is raised to know that we appreciate his help around the house.  This is all part of the adult work life.  You work hard, you get paid.  And when you get paid, you get to possibly have some fun.  In the case of my son, his payment is screen time/ electronics.  And he loves that payment [for now] so it works well for him.  He works, he gets paid, therefore at times he will volunteer to do chores.  This is a child raised right.

My childhood was thus:  I work, and I don't get yelled at, or chewed out.  If I didn't do the work good enough, simple basic human rights were taken away.  Didn't work enough???  I don't deserve to eat.  I didn't work enough, I don't need to shower every day.  If she [my mother] felt we went through toilet paper too fast, I was rummaging through the garbage by the toilet for any snotty/used pieces of toilet paper, or toilet paper rolls, just to wipe.  And in my household, you didn't DARE volunteer to do extra or work extra hard.  Perfection was expected, even on extra work you volunteered to do without being asked.  On top of that, because you volunteered and did it once that way, it became part of your permanent work load.  Again, had to be done perfect... and if not done good enough, there would be consequences.  Don't get me started on how many times I was called "worthless" because the job wasn't done good enough.  To this day, I feel worthless because of how I was raised.  Those words are drilled into my head because that was the most I ever heard about the work I did.  There was never a "good job" or a single compliment when I worked hard.  But I made one mistake, and I've never hear the end of it.

Now as a younger, single adult, having failed college due to past trauma + an undiagnosed autism condition, I never got to work in jobs that I particularly liked.  In fact, most jobs sucked.  There were jobs where I wasn't treated well... those jobs didn't last long because I couldn't bring myself to even want to go to work to be [in my mind] abused by supervisors or other coworkers.  There were jobs where I was treated decent, and I did well.  One thing I always tried to do was my best.  That was the way I was raised.  Do the job perfectly, or I was worthless.  So, I pushed for perfection.  I pushed to do my best, and if my best wasn't good enough, again, the job didn't last, but at least in those cases, I was just let go versus me just not showing up.

But one thing held true with those jobs...  I got paid.  No matter how crappy the job was.  When I got paid, I was able to get the things I wanted.  I was able to buy things, and buying things brought me happiness.  Saw a movie I wanted, bought it.  Saw a game I wanted, bought it.  (Assuming I could afford it).  I had most of my bills on autopay and my purchases were typically light.  But I bought what I wanted.  Didn't want to cook, got delivery.  I had cable, internet, electricity, phone plan, and gaming consoles.  I had want I needed.  I had incentive to work.  I had purpose.  

But I was also lonely.  Yes, in spite of being autistic...  while I find it hard to socialize and don't feel comfortable around people, I am still capable of being lonely.  I'd find some degree of contentment in using instant messengers and chatting with people.  However, it wasn't enough.

I found someone from one of those instant messaging programs and eventually got married and had a kid.  For a while, I did manage to secure a job that treated me fairly well, and I was getting paid.  I had gotten promoted at this job and was doing well.  In fact, for a brief time, I was the highest paid hourly employee at the job.  I hated the work, but I LOVED the fact I was getting recognized for my hard work.  I absolutely NEED that to keep wanting to work as hard as I did.  I would push myself harder than I had ever worked before because I felt I had a reason to work hard.  I had gotten a supervisory position as a team lead, and felt good about myself.  I was still able to hold my head up high and still... I got paid.  All was good.

Then I moved to Sioux Falls and worked at Walmart.  I went to that job with the same mentality I had at my previous job.  I was going to work hard, and they were going to praise the hard work I did.  I was going to get promoted for my hard work, because hard work = praise and getting paid. ...  I WAS DELUSIONAL ...  Hard work = jack shit at that job.  I didn't get praise.  I asked questions because I was unsure of aspects of my job, got yelled at.  Tried for promotions, didn't get them.  I worked and felt completely betrayed by the system.  Sioux Falls, also had a higher cost of living, and we were constantly broke.

So, I went from working hard... getting praise, and getting paid to having EVERYTHING taken away from me.  Aside from my gf [future wife] at the time, all of the progress I had made with working was taken away from me.  I'd try to work hard, and I'd get berated if I wasn't good enough.  Occasionally I'd push myself extremely hard for unloading truck, occasionally get a good job, but nothing beyond that.  And the money?  Getting paid?  Nope.  We were broke.  We managed to get married and even had a kid, but were broke. I couldn't buy anything any more.  My incentive to work disappeared.  My desire to work... disappeared.  I was working a job where I got yelled at more often than not, and I was no longer getting paid.  Yes, I got money, but that money was gone for bills... and in the end... I didn't get paid.  I had nothing.  My personal satisfaction was gone.  Familial satisfaction may have been limping on to survive another day... personal satisfaction was gone.  After about a year, I was let go because I had missed too many days.  If they had treated me better, I might not have missed as much as I had... but oh well.

Next job I worked at, I got diagnosed with autism while I was working that job.  Despite corporate micromanaging and 3-4 different people at any one time telling me how to do my job, it was the best job I ever had.  I finally had a data entry type job, so I wasn't working in a factory.  I had felt like I was finally starting to do work that matched more in line of the type of work I wanted to do.  I didn't have to call people, I didn't have to talk to people much.  I just sat at a computer doing data entry.  I would have been happy to do a job like that.  I told my immediate supervisor that I was diagnosed with autism.  I even told her not to tell the higher ups cause I didn't know what the work place reaction would have been.  I guess I found out my answer a week later.  I was terminated.  They claimed I was "cold with management."  Half of the time, with 3-4 people all emailing me telling me how to do my job, I didn't even know who management was half the time, and again... I am autistic.  With emails and personal communication, I tend to be short, concise, and to the point.  Apparently short and concise equals cold.  I don't get it.

After working one more job and then having a mental breakdown after all of that... I no longer can work as I am now considered disabled.  With that my personal life purpose is gone.  I have a family that I contribute towards, but very little in the way of finances.  

I went from believing that hard work equals more abuse, to hard work equals getting paid and having something to show for it.  And then I went from hard work equals mental burn out and nothing to show for it.  Yeah, when I worked, I contributed to the family fund.  The family got paid.

I didn't.

All money equals family money.  But I'm autistic.  I derive personal satisfaction from what I earn and what I can get with what I earn.  I miss the days when I could take the money I earned and buy something with it.  Instead of going on family trips, I would rather buy something for myself that I want to buy.  Why?  Because that shows me that I am earning something... ANYTHING.

But now?  I don't work.  I get money from the government because I can't work.  I no longer feel I earn anything.  I don't get paid in the traditional sense.  I get paid a little more than $1400 a month [not enough to live off of independently].  I don't even contribute minimum wage.  So, I could work harder around the house, do chores like back when I was a child... and... oh yeah... I remember how THAT went.

I don't contribute enough financially to feel like I even deserve to get personal payment.  The days when I could work a job and earn money and get paid are gone.  Getting paid WAS my purpose to work.  And I'm not talking about the simple... getting paid to pay the bills.  Tangle items that I wanted was my sole purpose of working because what I purchased, I earned with my hard work.  My hard work meant something.  Now, I earn nothing because the government has taken pity on my inability to have a job and decided I need money to live.  I work around the house, but I don't get paid. If I do work hard, I do get the gratitude of a grateful wife, so not all bad, but there's still something missing.  I miss the days when I could work, earn my keep, and reward myself with something tangible I wanted to buy, no questions asked.  Those days are long gone, and so is my motivation to give it my all any more.  Getting paid, earning my keep, and buying what I want to buy, is my drive to keep working.  To give it my all.  I don't care if I never go on a vacation... I'm autistic and large crowds stimulate me in ways I kind of find miserable and exhausting anyways.

So, all-in-all, for me, the point of work is to get paid.  Get the things you want out of it, and find what joy you can find in life while you are still alive enough to enjoy life.  It is important to contribute to the family, yes.  But it is also important to contribute to yourself as well.  Pay yourself.  Even if money is tight, pay yourself.  If you reward yourself for a job well done, it give you purpose to keep going to work and enduring that grind.  No matter how much the job sucks... if you pay yourself, it grounds you and reminds you why you put up with the crap every damn day you go in.  A job where you don't get paid is a job that becomes hard to work.  It becomes even harder to work when the job doesn't pay.  In this case, work becomes... the chore.

What is "Making America Great" About?

 Wow.  It has been a hot minute since I have posted in here.  A lot has been going on, and I just feel like I have opinions to rant about.  So, this one may be long.

First of all, in recent news, Rob Reiner and his wife Michelle were murdered.  I grew up with a lot of the movies he directed as some of my favorite movies ( "Misery," "The Princess Bride," "This is Spinal Tap," etc.) along with his role as "Meathead" in "All In the Family."  His death was tragic.  However, our president had the gall to blame Rob Reiner's political views as a reason he was killed.

Also, recently, this year was the death of Charlie Kirk.  Now, before he was assassinated, I didn't even know the name Charlie Kirk, what he stood for, etc.  As I found out later, he was a very strong Republican and one of President Trump's fans.  There were people who viewed his death as poetic justice too...  I, also, felt his death was deeply tragic.

One thing holds true in both of these deaths.  THEY WERE TRAGIC.  Period.  There is no excuse for viewing the murder of innocent people as "poetic" or "deserved" or "justified because of political affiliation."  NEVER SHOULD THIS MENTALITY EXIST.  Unfortunately, this is the extremist world we live in.

This brings me to my current topic: MAGA.  This is an acronym, "Make America Great Again."  Ok.  Back when this acronym was penned, this sounded like a great promise.  As Americans, we want America to be great.  This is a common belief everyone in America can get behind.  However, as time has gone on... I feel everyone has forgotten when America was actually great.

In a great America there is no extremism.  There is bipartisan collaboration.  People have different beliefs, different views, but are willing to compromise because by working together, that is when growth really truly happens.  It does not matter if you are on the far left, or the far right... your views are on the fringe.  And normally, those views (in a normal, mean situation) would usually be excluded from the mean.  Unless those voices are the loudest, which is now the case.

In a great America terms like "retard" to refer to people with disabilities or "people of differing beliefs [this does include the use of 'libtard' as a portmanteau of liberal & retard]" in the political hellscape, would stay gone.  It is absolute BULLSHIT that that term is being brought back.  A word that has been used in a derogatory sense towards people with disabilities.  People like myself, who happen to be autistic, but are smarter than what negative terms like that seem to suggest.  I had thought that our society had evolved into a society that was starting to treat people with disabilities with respect and support.  Now, that THAT word is being brought back into public consciousness, BY OUR OWN PRESIDENT, I worry that society is now devolving instead of being better.

In a great America people could talk freely without the worry of being canceled.  Late Night talk shows are being systematically targeted to silence free speech.  News stations, public TV, are also being targeted, with some being silenced due to difference in political opinion.  This is something that sound like the suppression of free speech.  Free Speech is one of our rights.  It is the first guaranteed right in our Bill of Rights.  The attack of Free Speech is something that EVEN conservatives should be against.  It is literally one of our earliest principles that America was founded on.  Our speaking up against the harsh taxes from the British and the fight to gain our independence was literally based on our rights to speak out against policies that were unfair to us.  Free speech gained us our independence and a loss of the right to free speech would literally be a slap in the face on how our county was founded.

In a great America, the quote on the Statue of Liberty would actually mean something again.  

 “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.”

This was a quote that suggested that we welcomed people from all over to come and enjoy freedom.  America used to be "The Great Melting Pot" because people from all walks of life, from everywhere could come here and enjoy the freedoms that come with being an American.  Now, closed borders and deportations are the law of the land.  The quote on the Statue of Liberty is now a lie.

In a great America the tragic deaths of Rob Reiner and his wife, Michelle, Charlie Kirk, and frankly any other innocent person would be seen as what they are, tragic.  In a great America, extremism would exist at the far ends of the bell curve, as progress is made by discussions that happen in the middle, instead of right now, where the bell curve has shifted so far to the left, the extremists run the country, and the people in the middle just stay quiet.

In a great America, MAGA would still mean what we thought it meant when it was promised to us.  Now, the term MAGA gets thrown around extremist circles... recruiting more extremist ideologies of what people feel would make America great.  Honestly, I think the term "MAGA" has lost so much of its original meaning, it should just go away.  If we want to make America great again... let's first define what made America so great in the first place.  If we want America to be great, then we as Americans have to be "great."  We as people, rule this country.  The president's job is to serve the people, and to represent our country to the world.  Do not claim for a second that wearing a MAGA hat, and blindly following people who aren't "great people" will do a damn thing to make our country "great again."  It will not.  That is delusional thinking.  If you want America to be great again, then be "great people."  Great people help others, they lead others, they be charitable and humble.  Great people do not put people they feel are inferior down, they help people who are down, rise.

If you want want America to be great... be great Americans.

T.E.V.

The Importance of Person First Speech

I want you to read the title.  Then read it again.

First of all, I did not make a typo.  A lot of people, I'm sure, are thinking I meant "first person" instead of "person first," but they are, in fact, two different things.  First person speech is a speech pattern we use every day in our writing and in our speech.

"I am ok," is a statement in the first person.

In writing, this is referred to as "first-person narrative" and is commonly used when the writer wants to include him/herself as part of the story.  "As I walked out the front door, I felt a sudden chill in the air.  This was odd, considering it is a balmy 95°F where I live," is an example of first-person narrative.

However, what I'm talking about here is "person first" language.  This is a manner of speaking (mainly in the areas of psychology) where a person HAS a condition or a disorder without actually being the disorder.  Sound confusing?  This will make it a little easier to follow:

John is an alcoholic.

John is a person with alcoholism.

Which one of the two statements sounds better?  Most people see John and are like, "Yep, he's an alcoholic."  This is not person first speech.  This is the typical manner of speech that is used by everyone because it is shorter, simpler, and let's face it easier to say.

However, saying the second one has the same meaning, but it sounds more sympathetic.  You now recognize that John is a person who just happens to have alcoholism.  This is person first language.  You are acknowledging that John is a person who just happens to have a problem with alcohol.

Why is this important?

Simply put, acknowledging that John is, in fact, a person who just happens to have a problem tends to lend itself to more sympathetic responses.  People working in the mental health field use this type of language to help bring value to the person with the condition.  They feel they are worth more than just having the condition.

People who look at someone as an alcoholic tend to devalue that person as a human being and attach to them a label that will scrutinize that person for life.  John in the example would think of himself as nothing but an alcoholic with no ability to rise above that label.  He will drink himself to death because he'll think he can not rise above that.  And everyone else in society, does the same thing.  They'll look at John and think, "He will be nothing more than an alcoholic."  "Alcoholics do nothing but drink their lives away and pick fights."

But the truth is, alcoholism is an actual medical disorder and as such, it is recognized as a condition that a person just happens to have.  That person still has value as a human being first, and having the condition second.

Makes sense right?

Now, is person first language preferred in all cases?

No.

For instance, a lot of people who have autism consider their autism as something that makes them unique.  Therefore, a lot of autistic people prefer to think of themselves as autistic.  This is one of those things where I am kind of on fence about.

See, a person who accepts their condition and the uniqueness that comes with it, also finds acceptance in the flaws that come with it.  They find acceptance in the anxiety, the social difficulties, the sensory processing issues, etc that come with it.  They fully embrace the good aspects, and accept the bad aspects as part of the condition.  However, if there is support and therapy that can help mitigate some of the bad aspects, wouldn't it seem fitting to want to see yourself as a person with autism and then accept the autistic label after the difficult traits have been lessened?

As society tends to still judge a person on their limitations, I feel it would be good to still refer to people in full acceptance of their condition in the person first language.  Society tends to look at people with autism as "disabled" or "handicapped" when the opposite is true in a lot of cases.  People devalue the worth of someone by labeling them as anything other than a person.  By saying something like

I am a person with autism.

You show employers, psychologists, and society as a whole that you are a person first with a lot of applicable skills to do the job at hand.  You have a personality beyond that of a label.  You are a unique individual who just so happens to be autistic.  You may have difficulties with social interactions, loud crowded groups, eye contact, etc, but you are more than just that.  You are you.  You are unique.  So, there are definitely reasons to stick with person first speech.

And this type of speech is widely becoming the standard.  It is becoming the preferred standard in the mental health community, and I would not be surprised to see it take off everywhere else as well.  It is something that I can see the benefits of.  We are more than what our labels say we are, and person first language is the perfect way to show the world that.

What are your thoughts?  Do you agree or do you disagree?  Will you start using person first speech in your day to day communications?  Let me know in the comments on social media or even here.  Thanks for reading!!

Inside My Mind Versus Outside of My Mind

People have speculated that I am on the Autism Spectrum.  I don't know if that is true, for it is difficult for me to accept things that haven't been confirmed to be true.  People have said that I need to "open up more" and to actually say what is on my mind.  To those who know me personally, you would know that this is extremely difficult for me cause it doesn't take much for me to shut down verbally.  But it is A LOT easier for me to say what is on my mind when I type.  So, this post may seem like a hot mess, but this is what goes on in my mind in a short amount of time...

oO{Why is it hard for me to speak to people?  Why don't I feel love like other people feel love?  Why would people say things like they would take a bullet for someone when more species are focused on self preservation?  Why did my mother not love me?  Why did she say she'd load the pistol when I told her I wanted to kill myself at 18?  Why can't I connect to my son or my wife the way a normal person does?  Why can't I feel emotions, but anger and bitterness at the opportunities that "normal" people get?  Why can't I make friends?  Why is it difficult for me to look people in the eyes, do I feel they are looking into my soul?  Why is it difficult for me to do the things that I used to love doing?  Why can't I even get motivated enough to play a game any more without quitting half way through?  I really need to find my glasses, but I find myself sick of looking within 5 minutes cause it just seems to difficult a task.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to keep trudging forward.  Why do I let people treat me like crap?  Why do I wallow in self-pity?  My last boss reminded me of a high school bully who had no further aspirations but to get a job where he could go and be a bully and be rewarded for it?  Why am I different?  How is it that I soaked every negative thing up like a sponge while other people can just brush them off?  I wish you could spend 5 minutes in my head.  You don't know what my life is like!!! You do not know what it is like to be bullied, abused, throughout your childhood, to try to cope as an adult and feel that everybody in the world is out to get you because that is all you know.  I can't change who I am because my past is to ingrained into who I am.  I wish I could be normal for just one day.  The only time I felt relaxed is when I smoked pot that one time cause the thoughts went away for a while.  When I play a game, I lose myself in the game and the thoughts go away.  Vaping helps dull the thoughts some, why can't people see that?  Why does no one understand?  Why can't I just show people what my life is like every F*CKING minute of EVERY DAY.  Why is it assumed that I'm the strong one?  I need to show a brave face in tough times cause people depend on me to be strong.  My son needs someone who can bond with him better than I can.  Where are my glasses, my contacts are too dry and frequent use of eye drops have literally caused my eye lids to feel chapped.  Why is it after 5 minutes of looking, I give up.  If we can make it until tax time, we should be better.  Why do I feel like I'm going to get yelled at if I talk about my feelings?  I don't like it when people touch me.  I don't like sitting in chairs that other people just recently sat in.  Why do I hate the feeling of moisture on my skin when it is natural for a person's skin to have moisture?  I shouldn't have to plan out every conversation I ever plan on having, when I choke up and shut down every time I want to say what is on my mind.  I should just disappear.  It's not like any one ever wants to be my friend anyways.  My son is such a happy baby.  Why would I want to subject him to the craziness that is me?  If I am autistic, is there even a point in finding out?  It's not like it would do me any good?  If I don't take care of my physical and mental health, then I can't work.  I will do what is necessary to ensure my mental health and my physical health are in tact.  Why is it when someone is verbally instructing me on how to do something, I only hear and process the first one or two instructions before I become completely lost and lose focus on everything altogether?   Why can't I say what I need to say?  Why don't I feel happiness in anything?  You have no idea what it is like to be me.  Why is it every idea I have is stupid?  Why can't people understand that I just need to shut down my brain every once in a while before I blow up and shut down???}

"Anything you want to talk about?"

My reply: "No, I'm fine."

Feel free to comment if you can relate.   Sorry if this post seemed pointless, but this blog was created as a way for me to vent about things that I see a lot of people ranting and raving about.  I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind and being that I don't have friends to talk to about things (not that I could if I DID have friends), this seemed to be the best way to let my thoughts out.  If is stirs conversation, then it served its purpose.

Cautiously Religious (kind of long)

Religion and I have had a love-hate relationship for many years.  For me, religion was a roller coaster.  I had a period where I was high on a hill and could see everything around me.  The view was amazing from the top of that hill.  And then, very quickly, I rode down the hill to the bottom.  At the bottom, the view wasn't as impressive, and I was moving fast through it.  I wasn't able to take in the view any more.  I just followed the roller coaster down.  And slowly, started to ride the coaster back up.  That is my spot right now.

Let's put the metaphor into context.  As a child, I was abused.  Coming from an abusive household, you are emotionally shut down.  What moments of joy you get, you hold on to.  For me, moments of joy were sea shells, rocks, video games at my dad's house, and going to Bible study on Sundays.  I always found church services to be boring, mundane, and tiring to go to.  As a kid, with a lot of pent up energy, a church service where everyone just sits and listens felt like going to school.  The congregation would sing hymns and I'd just follow along with it, without a lot of invested interest.  But Bible Study was a bit more fun.  We'd sit with a teacher in a small group and talk and learn.  I had gotten to go on a trip to Chicago with a bible group, and got to go to a Bible camp in the summer.

I used to be paranoid about religion.  Music that made references to the devil, Hell, etc were taboo with me.  Even if the song wasn't an anti-Semitic, I wouldn't listen to it.  I was always scared that even the sheer mention of "the other place" would cause me to end up there.  Even though I was depressed with life, I held on to those beliefs and tried to be strong with religion.  I had learned A LOT about religion, but never embraced the concept of "God is love."  I never felt love in my broken home, and never felt loved by anyone or anything.

When I was 18, I was in the National Guard.  I moved out of my abusive situation just 3 days before being sent to Basic Training.  While there, I w ent to a protestant church service (because even though I was Lutheran, military churches provided one service for many different Catholic religions).  While at the church service, I felt for the first time, abandoned.  I had never felt love from anyone, not even God.  I felt, nothingness.  The years of abuse had left their mark on me.  I went into a situation where the drill sergeant's sole purpose was to break down my self-driven spirit and build it back up into a team-driven spirit.  I had NO spirit going in, and therefore, not anything to break down, except for the last of my sanity.  I had had suicidal thoughts in the past, when dealing with my mother, but my experience there brought them back into light.  As a result, I got a general discharge from the military with a mood disorder EPTS (existing prior to service).  Leaving there left me with less sanity than when I went in, and my religious world shattered.

I felt angry with God.  How could God put me into that abusive household?  How could he have not shown me love?  How is it when I talked to him, I felt nothing?  And the burning thought came to my mind...  I no longer believe.

I started listening to the music I wanted to listen to, because I felt there was no Hell.  There was no consequence for any of it.  He never listened to me, He must not exist.  I believed for the longest time, I was atheist.  Looking back on it, I wasn't atheistic.  Atheists truly believe in nothing.  Atheists truly believe there is no such thing as God.  I wasn't that.  I denied Him because I was angry.  And I spent MANY years angry with God, religion, my mother, etc.  I even harbored resentment towards the military because of the way the drill sergeants treated me, even after finding out about my abusive upbringing.

After years of therapy, anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications, and self-loathing, my views on religion started to gradually change.  I started to develop my own beliefs.  I started to believe in reincarnation.  That when I die, I will be reborn back on Earth to live again as someone or something new.  I was still on the fence about God, but did notice that when atheist people would talk to me and share their anti-God beliefs, that I would actually be a trifle offended.  That was further proof that I never really stopped believing.  I just stopped believing that He ever loved me.

I told people that it would take a miracle for me to start believing in God again.  And then, I had a son.  My wife was told that she would possibly never have kids.  Finding out that we were expecting was a life-altering moment for me.  My religious beliefs started becoming more open.  Instead of being close-minded about God, I started to open my mind up to the possibility.  THAT, to me, was a miracle of some sort. 

However, I remain cautious about religion.  Things I didn't notice back when I was a bored-stiff Lutheran sitting in the church pew, started to surface.  Things like hate and bigotry happen in church all of the time.  So-called Christians actually preaching lessons of hate.

Now, while I can't say that I felt God's presence in my life as a child and as an angry young man, I can say that I feel I learned a lot:

1. God is love.  This was a tough lesson to sink in.  I still don't comprehend that feeling of communicating with God and just feeling that everything is going to be okay.  That is something I am working on.  But a lot of that stuff I read about on the news, from members of churches, is just appalling.  We have people who scream, "It's not Steve, it's Eve!!" to homosexuals everywhere.  To God, we are all His children, and are loved equally by Him.  In God's eyes, therefore, we are ALL his family.  It doesn't care what skin color you wear, your gender, or even your sexual orientation.  God would love every person as His children.  In the world of religion, everyone is family.
2. People judge wrongly.  In the eyes of God, no human has the right to cast judgement, because we as people, are not above sin.  We judge others without looking at our own sins and judging or own sins accordingly.  The only one who has a right to judge is God, because He is infallible and above sin.  Just because I don't believe the same things as someone else, doesn't mean I'm "
   going to Hell."  People who say homosexuals are going to Hell, same deal.  Those people do NOT have the right to judge.  Just even saying those things are sacrilegious.
3. Satan is hate.  Is is kind of a stretch, but hear me out.  If God is love, then conversely, Satan must be hate.  And the influence is everywhere.  Even if it that whisper in your ear, telling you to discriminate against someone, is Satan influencing you to do so.  Satan is infiltrated every aspect of our lives, EVEN RELIGION.  Just think about it.  Where would be the most powerful way of corrupting our lives to a life of sin?  That's right.  In the very churches we go to every Sunday.  It is NOT safe to assume that ALL churches have this going on.  There are churches that preach love to all of God's children.  There are churches out there that know what the true word of God is.  We as people need to be mindful of this fact when selecting what churches we go to.  Hate as found its way into churches so easily, that people even claim that hate is in the Bible.  And while the Bible was written by men, and therefore fallible, it has been justified over the centuries.  People even added anti-Semitic passages into the Bible.  For instance, there is a passage that states, "A man who lays with another man, shall surely be put to death."  This is found in the "Holiness Code" of Leviticus in the Bible.  However, a lot of scholars believe that those passages were added much later than the rest of the ones in Leviticus. The language used differs significantly than the rest of the book.  Now, no one can confirm with certainly the legitimacy of that, but even so, we as humans can not hate.  Going back to previous points: we can not judge, and God is love.  Even if those acts were performed, the people committing those acts are still loved, and we as people have no right to judge them for it. 

Religion has been used to justify government platforms.  Some Republicans even wanted to make religion part of government.  Looking back to the Crusades back in the 14th century, I do not feel that would be a good idea.  Forcing people who adhere to a set religion, especially if they don't believe everything religion teaches.  There are good aspects to religion, don't get me wrong, but there are bad ones too.  If I were Catholic, my views on reincarnation would be shunned.  It doesn't follow the rules of the church, therefore unacceptable.  I, personally, believe that we as people should be allowed to believe, however we see fit to believe, as long as we believe.  If we as people talk to God, let Him into our hearts, and get rid of things like hate and jealousy, then we'll find that the rest will fall into place. 

Like the book of Matthew, Chapter 18, suggests, "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."  That means, what you believe in life, He will hold true in heaven.  What you don't believe in life, he won't hold true in Heaven.  This is also a major plot point in the movie "Dogma," but we don't dive too far into that tangent.  So, if you deny God in life, you'll be denied God in heaven.  If I believe in reincarnation in life, he'll hold that belief for me in Heaven.  Pretty straight-forward.


So, at this point, I may talk to God, hoping I'll feel that warmth and comfort that people do when they talk to Him.  I'll keep searching for that faith that I had lost on my roller coaster life.  But going back to religion again?  That is one that I will be extremely cautious about.  Religion is man-made, and fallible, and I want to make sure that my personally-held beliefs are honored and accepted as my own, without criticism or judgment.  Because in the end, what I believe is what is truly important, NOT what people think I SHOULD believe.


What are your views on this?  Do you agree or disagree?  Please leave a comment.  If you read through this, then PLEASE share it so others can read it too.  While I don't get a lot of feedback from my blogs, I know there are people out there who read these things.  Don't be shy. :)  Thanks for reading.

Social Media And Me

I haven't posted in a while.  There have been significant changes in my life.

I had a kid.

Yes, I am now a father to a baby boy we named Theodore.  :)  So, I haven't really had time to post in a while.  However, as I browse social media, I was inspired to post.  Perhaps, it was my Facebook page (also named "The Editorialistic View") informing me that I hadn't posted in a while.  And conveniently enough, Facebook (more specifically my news feed on Facebook) entered my cross hairs.

So, I will start this post on what Facebook means to me.  After all, I have been a member of Facebook since it became more than just a Harvard thing. When I signed up, you still had to be a member of a college, and being I was a student at Dakota State University, I had to use my college email address to sign up.  Now, it has expanded to a social networking platform that dominates the field.  People have even created Facebook profiles for their pets.  At first I signed up just to be in contact with others... to make friends.

Now, Facebook (and all social media for that matter) has been a way to keep in contact with family and friends I, otherwise, don't communicate with on a daily basis.  Facebook is a great way for me to see pictures of friends and family.  I have family with kids that I see pictures of on occasion.  I get comical and humorous quips from people just out to give their peers (as I'll colloquially refer to "friends and family" for the duration of this) a reason to smile or chuckle.  I get to see what is on people's minds.  If they are down or sad, they talk about it.  Sometimes the chuckle helps sad people feel better.

And now, social media has turned.  It is no longer the platform of keeping up with peers.  It is now political ramblings, memes from people who can't spell, chain posts, and links upon links from sponsored content that tricks you into never ending pages of ads and overly drawn out articles that are there just for ad revenue. 

For one, I will admit, I didn't vote this last election.  I didn't really care who won or who lost.  It was a choice between an egotist, or a person whose soul purpose was to be the first female president.  None were really the best for the nation, and I didn't feel shame for not voting.  I've always felt my vote doesn't matter because the votes are determined by the electorate, not by the people.  If looking at popular vote, Hillary would have won it.  But I didn't care then, and guess what?  I still don't care.  Political posts are ones that I either: A) quickly scroll past or B) hide from my news feed.  If a person's posts are nothing but political and nothing  I care about, they disappear magically from my feed.  Now, they may argue, "But this is stuff you need to know," or "This is important for what is going on right now."  I do watch the news and do read news articles.  So, it really isn't THAT important for me to read on Facebook.  I prefer my news without bias and complaints. 

Memes are now part of social media culture.  For those not in the know, they are images with funny captions.  And they quickly become viral.  To me, they are sort of a plague.  People post memes that are horribly misspelled, grammatically incorrect, and say NOTHING relevant about them.  They are a post that, to me, lacks substance.  They are a lazy post that can be humorous and actually worth seeing, but they can also be stupid and completely pointless.  In my opinion, memes would be posted with thought, not just thrown about because you hadn't posted something in 5 minutes.  They should be intelligent.  Memes exist that have false quotes from celebrities who have passed on.  Those are the worst kind in my opinion.  Those are memes that stick words into people's mouths who don't have the ability to deny or refute those quotes.  There are A LOT of memes, for instance, that have quotes that George Carlin allegedly made (and almost all of those quotes are fake).  If a person has passed on, no more memes should be created with his/her likeness.  They should be retired and not remembered in that disrespectful manner.

Chain posts are just dangerous and any one who passes those on should stop.  Chain posts create long lists that can be used for malicious purposes.  It is a form of farming that can result in people getting spam.  A lot of these posts are used for "like-farming."  They tug at people's heart strings and cause people to like the posts.  After a lot of people have liked the post, they change the content and it can either download spyware to a person's computer or link to spammy content.  For more information on this, click here to read an article on "like-farming."  There are some legitimate ones out there, who use like-farming as a way to generate buzz about their business and draw in more customers, but there are others that are there just to put spam on your computers.  Do not share posts that are not trust-worthy, and do not tag me in like-farming posts.

The sponsored click-bait that Facebook throws on my news feed is really frustrating.  I can't help myself to occasionally reading them, but they are stupid at the same time.  I, actually, feel a sense of shame for reading them.  Luckily there are people who have ventured into the abyss and summarized the post so I don't have to waste my time on 20-30 needlessly drawn out, ad-infested pages of crap just to get to the one relevant page at the end.  I don't have the time, I don't have the patience, and I don't want to be spammed with ads every single page I read.  Trying to read those on my phone causes my phone to claim to have a virus and redirect me to a fake "Google Play" page trying to get me to download spyware to my phone.  Those posts NEED to STOP.  The problem is, they take up a good chunk of my news feed.

Now, if dumb memes, political ramblings, chain posts, and click bait sponsored content was to disappear from my news feed, I would find that my news feed is pretty empty.  It may seem like a sad existence, but it isn't.  The occasional relevant post that I get from people does brighten my day.  It really doesn't take much.  Social media still does remain a great way to keep in contact with people whom I don't see or talk to on a frequent basis.  Even the occasional meme does have relevance if properly placed (and properly spelled).  Sometimes, how a person is feeling is best summed up by a meme.  There are posts that I feel have no place on Facebook or any other social media site, but it is one of those things that can't be helped.  While there are people who are obsessively political, they may also be peers that I can't just unfriend, block, or hide because in the end, they are still peers and occasionally they'll post something that is relevant.  I just choose not to read.

So, I choose to use social media to do what I feel it is intended for.  To be social, in a manner that is most comfortable for me.  I like being able to keep in contact with peers I don't see, and I will continue to use it for that purpose.  Feel free to comment to me every once in a while, and I will respond.  Feel free to respond to this post if you have an opinion you want to share.  Thank you for taking the time to read!!

Ode to Perforations

Oh perforations... how I hate thee, let me count the ways.... R-R-R-I-I-I-P-P-P...

Badly torn box.

For those wondering what I do outside of blogging (which had a brief hiatus as I was coming up with things to write about), I work at Walmart.  Part of my job responsibilities is to stock shelves.  A lot of our boxes are what is referred to as PDQs (Product Display Quantity or Pretty Darn Quick).  Basically, rip the box along the perforation, and it becomes a product display to put on the shelf.  In theory, this is supposed to help make the product more presentable for customers, and much easier for shelf stockers to get items on the shelf quickly.

In theory....

However, the bane of my existence when dealing with PDQs is perforations.  A perforation (for those REALLY not in the know) are pre-cut slots in the boxes.  They exist on important tax documents, credit card offers, PDQs (as already mentioned), and on other things.

Now, I don't know if I'm an idiot, but I HATE PERFORATIONS!!!!

If I try to rip anything along one of these perforations, I end up ripping beyond the perforation.  I find myself frustrated enough that end up just taking my little box cutter knife, on blade setting 1, and cutting the perforation just to open it.  My question is:  how is these any faster?

It definitely isn't neater if the perforation rips beyond the line is it supposed to rip upon.  It just looks shoddy.  Ripping checks out of check books have resulted in damaged checks (luckily not in half yet), but there are occasionally chunks missing out of the top.  It's not MY fault, blame the perforation!!!

I swear, there is a conspiracy by the people who invented perforations to piss me off.  They are succeeding....

More than once, I find myself punching a PDQ in order to rip the perforation without taking my knife to it.  Most of the time, that works, other times, still have to break out the knife.

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING??  Seriously, if the perforations were designed to just look neat, then kudos.  But if they were meant to be functional... someone needs to be fired.  I am better off just getting a line on the box that says, "Cut here."  I guarantee my knife cuts will look neater.

But no.   These perforations will continue to laugh at me.  To mock me.  To make me look like a fool.  Other people will rip these perforations neatly.  It isn't the fact that they are better than me.  It is the fact that the perforations have it out for me.  I don't know if I made fun of their mother, but they enjoy my torment.

Screw you, perforations.

You may have won this round.  But I will have my revenge!!!

Do any of you have issues with perforations?  Feel free to comment.  If this post brightened your day, then feel free to share it.  Thanks for reading.

Political Attack

Now normally, I do not post political ramblings.  There is enough of that on Facebook to make me want to rip the remaining hairs out of my head.  However, an event happened that made me change my mind (at least this week).

On June 14th, 2017, a gunman opened fire on several Republican members of Congress as they were practicing for a charity baseball game against Democrats.  4 people (5 counting the gunman) were shot during the practice.  2 people were listed in critical condition, 2 people were treated and released, and the gunman was killed.

The gunman was a contractor who had his business shut down because he caused more damage to the properties he was supposed to be inspecting.  He had been living out of his van in the Alexandria, VA, area for months before he opened fire that fateful day.

He had a bitter dislike towards the Republicans.

Now, the tough part of this.  I am not looking to get into a political debate because people like what they like, and they believe what they believe.  I'm not looking to try to "prove anyone wrong" because ultimately it is a waste of time, and a cause of lost friendships for no reason, whatsoever.

But one thing CAN be agreed on.  Violence is not the answer.  If you believe that violence is going to solve the problems in Washington, than maybe YOU need to be investigated, just in case, you plan on committing acts like this yourself.

Mr. Hodgkinson had a list of Congressmen he wanted to target.  His motive was unclear at this moment.  If he wanted to get the "old-timers" out of Congress, he didn't succeed.  If he did it as a Democratic loyalist, he failed that too, because all he did there was make Democrats look worse.

The thing that needs to be remembered is that he acted on his own accord.  He didn't meet with a bunch of Democrats and plan an assassination.  This was a mentally disturbed individual who committed these crimes.  And Democrats and Republicans participated in unity afterwards.  The shooter didn't accomplish anything.

For people who want to get the old-timers out of Congress, you have that power.  It is called elections.  While people do not vote for the President directly, they DO vote for the members of Congress at every election.  If you want a change in Congress, then vote for that change.  Otherwise, you are just the minority.  Killing people is not the answer.

And IF you are one of the sad, pathetic people who believes that murdering senior members of Congress is the answer, then newsflash.  It isn't.  The repercussions are far worse than what you think.  Because senior members of Congress were attacked, there will now be more motivation for gun control legislation.  This now hits home for Congress.  They are going to be more determined than ever.  And in the end, Congress isn't really more unified.  A lot of those Congressmen have been there a while, and are good friends, despite their disagreements.  People need to practice the same level of friendship.  That while we may differ on things, politically, we can still be friends, and we can still get along.

Any one who believes that someone needs to die because of their beliefs is part of the problem in this country right now.  If questioned about my political beliefs, I will share them.  You can tell me yours, and I'll respect yours, even if I don't agree.  That is part of what makes freedom so great.  But believing that violence is the answer is what is going to tear this country apart.  VIOLENCE NEEDS TO END!!!  That is one thing that NEEDS to be agreed on.  Republicans and Democrats alike don't want violence.  So, knock it off.  Act your age.  People are acting like babies throwing temper tantrums, and using weapons instead of words.

Post your opinions.  What do you think?  Do you think violence needs to end?  Will you be part of the solution?  Share this post if you agree.  Spread the word.  Love your neighbor, even if you don't agree with him/her.  You don't have to agree, but you have the freedom not to.  Do not eliminate your freedom by trying to eliminate someone else's.

Thanks for reading.

2 Type rite is Gud

One of the biggest pet peeves I've encountered is bad typing.  This is something that annoys me to no end.  This is more than just a trend that shows up in countless comment sections of social media posts.  This shows up everywhere.

The biggest issue is, it is deliberate.  I can mind the minor accidental misspelling or the occasionally missed punctuation marks.  However, this is becoming a permanent fixture.

But why is it being done?

Typically, when I read a post that is full of misspellings, missed punctuation, and nonsensical words, I find myself questioning the integrity of the person posting.  Memes have become a staple of sites like Facebook, Twitter, etc.  They annoy me as well, but I have to accept them.

Twitter is kind of an exception on this, and may earn a free pass for bad spelling.  When you are given a character limit, you have to try to make every character count.  So, using "u" for "you" or "4" instead of "for" tends to be more acceptable.  However, on a site like Facebook, where there isn't a character limit, it is kind of annoying.

Half of the time, I have to translate this shorthand typing into something that I can process as intelligible thought.  Even then, the lack of proper grammar makes me question whether their thoughts can be considered "intelligible thought."

Employers do use Facebook and other social media sites to learn more about potential employees.  Employers want to learn more about who they have working for them.  If the person gives this great resume to their employer, and them employer canvasses their Facebook, they might find details that might make them second guess hiring that person.

We are now in the technological age.  One of the things that happens less and less is hand-written notes.  It is much easier to type and edit your thoughts through a keyboard then it is to grab a paper and pencil and actually just write out your note.  I tend to type faster than I write, so I would agree with this wholeheartedly.  However, I tend to try to type things out grammatically correct, and try to use proper punctuation.  As I write less than I used to, the only way to really tell people about me, is to type it out.  Doing so in an intelligible manner becomes more important for me.

The worst offenders of this are memes themselves.  Memes can become very popular and widespread in a short amount of time.  Memes that have improper grammar and horrible spelling send a message to other people encouraging the use of broken language.  Eventually things like spelling and grammar will become obsolete in the next generation.  This is a problem especially when communication is so important.  It is important for the recipient to understand and fully comprehend the context of the message the sender is trying to convey.  Memes turn this problem into a widespread epidemic that must be cured.

So, for the sake of the future of communication, please try to type intelligently.  Show the world just how smart you are.  Show the world the knowledge that you possess.

What are your thoughts?  Where do you think the future of communication is headed?  Do you think that broken language will eventually translate to broken speech too?  Let me know in the comments [in an intelligent manner].  :)

Off With His Head!!!

Kathy, Kathy, Kathy...

What did you do wrong???

Yes, for the most part, we have all heard about this disembodied head that Kathy Griffin took to a photoshoot.  And what a mess it made.  This picture cost her sponsorships, her job at CNN doing New Year's Eve hosting, and respect from a lot of former fans.

People said that the head was gross, gory, and offensive.

I agree with people's sentiments.  It was gross, gory, and offensive.  But people shouldn't be getting so worked up about it.  Kathy Griffin is a comedian.  Jokes can be in poor taste, and while people may be offended by the joke, it is still just a joke.

There are a lot of comedians who tell jokes that can be perceived in poor taste, but it doesn't hurt the career of the comedian.  In fact, a lot of the raunchier, more offensive comedians actually make the bulk of their career earnings, by being offensive.

Now, did she go too far?  To be honest, yes she did.

But we are living in a society where sneezing the wrong way will get you bitched at by someone.  Everything is offensive.  President Trump was picked to be president, mainly because he promised to not be PC.  He wanted to push the limits and get away from the PC world we were getting into.  Now, everyone gets offended by everything, and it is disgusting in a way.

Perhaps, Kathy Griffin was doing the same thing?  She was "pushing the envelope" and seeing what she could get away with.  She did go too far.  But nowadays, it doesn't take much to go too far.

"South Park" had an episode called "Cartoon Wars" where Cartman hated the show "Family Guy."  He hated it so much, that he actually went to sabotage the show by putting something into the script that would make the show so offensive, that an episode of the show would be banned.  His logic was this, "As soon as a show has to pull an episode from the air, it starts a domino effect that causes the show to have to pull more and more episodes until the show is inevitably canceled."  It is actually pretty sound logic.

This logic applies to comedians as well.  If a comedian has to apologize for going too far, that could be the end of the line for that comedian's career.  Let's look back to Michael Richards.  He went to far and yelled racist remarks at a heckler at a comedy club.  His career was OVER.  He had to issue a public apology, and his career came to a screeching halt.

The same thing could happen as a result of this.  Comedians shouldn't be required to apologize.  Any time a comedian puts themselves into a situation where they HAVE to apologize, it tends to end badly.  Kathy Griffin put herself into a situation where she felt she should have had to apologize.

But wasn't the point to be "unapologetic."  What comedy needs right now are comedians willing to "push the boundaries" and to not be PC.  Her photoshoot was a reflection of who she is:  cynical, deliberate, and unabashed.  In fact, I kind of liked the photoshoot picture because it was honest with how she felt.  It was purposeful.

And yes, CNN had a right to pull her job.  Her sponsors had a right to drop her from their company.  Freedom of speech does not grant you freedom of employment.  The companies had a right to drop her for her expressing her point of view.  But that isn't anything new either.

But, in my opinion, she went wrong when she apologized.  She shouldn't have been ashamed by the picture.  She perfectly stated her point of view with that picture.  It was everything it needed to be for her.  I applauded that, despite the trouble it would have caused her.  But as a comedian, she shouldn't have apologized for it.  She should have stood behind the image.  It stated what she wanted to stay, and apologizing for that makes her weaker for it.  No longer will she seem to be the same deliberate comedian that took the picture.

What are your view points on this? Do you think she was right to apologize?  Do you think our country is becoming to PC?  Were you offended by the picture?  Give me your point of view!!!  Thanks for reading.

Grow Down

One of the things I've noticed in my advancing years is that no one acts their age any more.  Most adults would say that they have an inner child, just waiting to get out and play.  A lot of us will from time to time, act childish.  We may play jokes, pranks, and run around and have fun.  There are people in their 50s, 60s, and even older who still from time to time, slip back into acting a little childish.

And why not?  It is fun, carefree, and in a way refreshing to get away from the monotony of adult life.  A lot of people post about how they "don't want to adult today."  They want to be able to go back to the days of being a child, with no bills, no responsibility, just having fun on a nice summer day.

But unfortunately, there's a group of people who don't want to be kids....  Who are they?  Why, the answer is so obvious.

Kids.

That's right.  Kids do not want to be kids.  Perhaps it is all they know and they find it boring.  Perhaps they want the responsibility.  Perhaps they just want to be treated like adults, but still have the fun of being a child.

Don't we all.

Yes, I will admit, I have an inner child, and it is very much at play a lot more than what would be considered "normal."  I play video games, watch cartoons, and still like to have childish fun at the expense of others. [Sorry honey, but you knew this when you signed the wedding certificate. :p] But I am also very much an adult.  I go to work, I earn money, and contribute to the bills every month.  And I will say, I would find it extremely demeaning to be treated like a kid.

Perhaps kids feel it is demeaning to be treated like a kid as well.  But kids do not understand what "being an adult" is all about.  They haven't experienced adulthood, and therefore they aren't entirely sure what that all entails.  They don't understand that you have to earn money, pay bills, take care of kids, etc.  

Yet, kids want to be treated like adults.  They want to be out as late as they want (something adults don't even do as we have to go to work the next day), go joyriding in the vehicle (something adults have to put their hard earned money into to pay for the gas), have children (something adults regret doing some days when kids are being especially difficult), etc.

The biggest lesson here is: there is no perfect middle ground.  Not even in adults.  If an adult doesn't be an adult, then they aren't treated like an adult.  It's typically considered bad if an able-bodied, 30+ year old adult spends his life playing video games, watching TV, reading comics, surfing the internet, and still living with mom and dad instead of making money and being an adult.  It is just as bad if a 13 year old kid is working a job because he is expected to "grow up."

We shouldn't be telling people to "grow up."  While it is fun for an adult to escape to a simpler time and be a kid every so often, we shouldn't be encourage kids to be adults either.  Kids should be able to embrace their childhood, because time can not be rewound.  Kids should be allowed to be kids.  They also need to remember that there is no "middle ground."  There is no being treated like an adult while not having the responsibilities tied into it.  The respect of an adult is earned by what you do to be an adult.  If you have your own place to live, pay your own bills, cook your own meals, all with minimal to no help from your parents, THEN you are an adult.  Then you should be treated as such (even though some parents still treat their kids as kids [demeaning, I know]).

And for us adults, remember the phrase "age is just a number."  You are as old as you tell yourself you are.  You are as old as you feel.  I fully encourage everyone who is sick of being an adult, to just be a kid every once in a while.  Just don't forget to come back to adulthood when it is time for you to be responsible yet again.

Let me ask a question.  How old are you?  How old do you feel?  If you are someone who is always stressed and burned out from adulthood, take a day to be 10 or so.  Take a day to be a child.  If you have children of your own, this is a perfect bonding opportunity.  As always, thanks for reading!!

Sex offenders... who are the victims?

There has been a lot going on in the news with regards to child pornography.  It is definitely on the rise.  Just in the last 2 weeks, there have been at least 2 cases happen locally to me.  This definitely seems higher than it used to be, when this was a thing that was rarely ever discussed.  Now, it is unfortunately, a reality, and to top it off, a lot of pedophiles feel that THEY are the victim because of the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act (SORNA) and mandatory minimum sentences.  There are people who justify hebephilia (attraction to pubescent kids) because it is a natural instinct (as it is in nature when as soon as animals are able to reproduce, they do for survival).

Now, the real question is?  Are these people right?  Are they the victims of nature?

First of all, I will admit that I type this with a certain degree of bias.  I hate anyone who victimizes a child in any way, shape, or form.  I have a strong dislike towards people who abuse children, because I feel children are innocent and their whole lives become negatively affected by abuse sustained on them.  As I was a victim of child abuse (physical and mental), I can tell you that I was permanently affected by it.  Having never been sexually abused, I can not say that "I've been there," or that "I know what that is like," but I can say that abuse has long lasting effects that can potentially last a life time to get over.

So, I will always lean towards the victim being the child.

Now, let's get to the bottom of why sex offenders feel they are the victims.  The sex offender registry was created to notify people when sex offenders are moving next to them.  It is also there to notify potential homeowners of how many sex offenders live in their future neighborhood.  The sex offender registry was created to inform people for the safety of their children.  That's pretty much it.  Any use of that list beyond that purpose is actually considered a felony.

But people out there have used the list for more nefarious purposes.  They have done things like committing acts of violence against sex offenders, harassing them relentlessly, vandalizing their property, and killing them.  These people believe that they are making the world a better place by doing this.  This is debatable, as I feel people who commit heinous crimes against children, should meet the capital punishment system.

Some of the offenses don't even seem that severe (for instance, a 15 and a 17 year old dating and then the 17 year old turns 18 and is suddenly a sex offender because the 15 year old's parents do not approve).  There have been people who falsely have had people arrested just because they had a disagreement and falsely claimed their kids have been molested.  These are people who get tied into the sex offender registry as well, and they are demonized for it.

There are a lot of people who believe that hebephilia is normal, and it is natural.  It was going to be categorized as a DSM-V mental illness, and there was an uproar about it.  They argued that being attracted to pubescent kids is "normal, and natural."  To an extent, I can see their point of view: from a strictly biological standpoint.  People younger than the age of 20, tend to be the most fertile, and have higher levels of hormones.  In the wild, animals mate as soon as they are able.  So, it may seem like a natural instinct to be attracted to younger people.  However, as human beings, we are more sophisticated (at least we should be).  We have emotions, we have feelings.  We are not "wild" or "feral" creatures.  We have a complex social structure.  We, as humans, generally understand that kids do not fully understand the consequences of their actions.  Adolescents do not fully comprehend the extent of their actions when they consent, or when they are abused.  Full brain development doesn't stop until 30.  The younger they are, the less they understand the consequences of their actions.  The younger they are, the less they understand that having sex has long term emotional consequences beyond the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.  They don't understand what it means to have innocence and then not have it any more.  They don't understand that the way they feel about themselves changes when they give up their innocence.

Victims of abuse, do not understand this because they aren't developed enough to do so.  Just imagine what this means for the victim of child rape, who at the age of 2-3 was victimized, photographed, and raped for the pleasure of a disgraced Fire Chief and other perverts out there.  This is a child whose innocence was taken away at such a young age, she will NEVER have innocence.  It is actually remarkable how young people can remember things like this.  This is a girl whose life is PERMANENTLY affected by this.  She may have a normal childhood... but this is permanent.

So, who are the victims???  While most sex offenders typically feel they are the victims due to the sex offender registry, I really have to disagree.  A sex offender may have ruined his/her life in the process, but he/she ruined the life of someone else as well.  That sex offender ruined the innocence of a child.  A child who is learning at a vastly accelerated rate to an older person due to brain development.  This is a person, who is learning at a young age, the horrors of humanity.  A person who should be learning about math, science, and how to enjoy life, is learning about monsters with cameras and perverted intentions.

The victims of abuse are ALWAYS the children.

What are your opinions on this hot topic?  Do you agree, disagree?  As always, feel free to comment with your opinion.

RIP Firefox

For probably the last 10 years or so, I have been a faithful devotee to Mozilla Firefox.  I can remember when I made the decision to switch to Firefox.

Internet Explorer did not have the support to add add-ons.  It was a basic Internet, that at the time, worked for most things.  I was going to college and I started to notice that some of the webpages on the school's servers (including D2L services) did not support Internet Explorer.  It was at this time, that I happily quit Internet Explorer (pfft didn't even have add-ons, like c'mon).

I loved Mozilla Firefox for many years, and I never thought I would abandon it.  But then recently, I started having those similar problems like before... websites would fail to function, specifically Dominos.  Yeah, I couldn't order Dominos because the website wouldn't let me log in.  Turned out the culprit... was Firefox.

Yes, a web browser that I have loved for over 10 years has betrayed me, with impunity.  How dare it deny me my pizza!!!!! Curse you to HELL!!!!

But... I love Mozilla Firefox for so long.  This is almost a grieving process that I must go through, when I bit adieu to Firefox.  I am, in a sense, releasing the casket of Firefox past into space.

But... but... but.... we had some good times, old pal.  I will miss you.  But for now...

I've switched to Chrome.

I think it is for the best that we retire Mozilla Firefox.  They have failed to live up to my expectations when I want a good browsing experience.  I am getting sick and tired of having my browser sporadically lock up on me because it decides it wants to go non-responding.  I am tired of being forced to order pizza on Firefox's inconvenient schedule.

This is truly a sad day... :( :( :( But hopefully the future continues to look brighter.  And who knows?  Maybe those folks at Mozilla will get it together and provide me the browsing experience I deserve to have.  (Doubtful, but I'll be optimistic.)

Any comments?  What is your favorite Internet Browser?  Feel free to comment below, or on Facebook.  Thanks for reading.

Why do I blog? [AKA Why bother?]

A thought has been crossing my mind as of late.  Why do I blog?  What is the purpose of this little social "experiment?"  Is it to entertain?  Is it to generate all sorts of revenue?  Is it to become a household name, and the topic of several table top discussions?  Or perhaps... it is just to be relevant?

The answer to all of those questions is "No."(for the most part, as I do try to be somewhat entertaining in normal conversation).  I know that I frequently ask for people's opinions on things as to get some sort of feedback.  I usually get none.  In fact, the only feedback I get is from my wife.  Am I angry about it?  No.  Because none of those reasons are things I really care about.

Blogging in this atmosphere to a lot of people would seem like they are carrying on "one-sided conversations" where they are talking, but no one is listening.  However, I do see that I get a lot of readers (in fact, I am usually impressed by a meager 30-40 viewer reads from any one of my blog posts.  It isn't a high number, no, but it at least means I do have an audience. 

But it isn't the "one-sided conversation" that it seems to be.  My blogging is a means for me to rant about the things that sometimes keep me up at night.  It is a form of therapy for me.  I have a tendency to stay awake as my mind continues to rant and rave about things for hours after laying down to sleep.  I have found that when I post a blog post about something that has been on my mind, I find it easier to shut my eyes and actually fall asleep.

Having an audience of people to express my points of view to is a nice way of getting my view point out there.  It eases that tension, and admittedly, it feels good to do so.  Getting input and feedback on my posts would bring about a nice point of discussion, but it isn't one of those things that I necessarily depend on to find joy in doing this.

So, the question then becomes: How much longer will I keep doing this?  Being that this really isn't a form of conversation, or even close to a conversation starter for me, blogging is one of those things I am trying to keep up with on a regular basis.  But coming up with things to blog about can be challenging at times.  As I have things to express my opinion on, I will continue to blog. :)

Sure, I could join the populace and start ranting about the President.  But I'm not going to do that, because that has literally been done to death, and I'm not going to subject myself to the negativity that would come from either side of that.  This is one of those platforms I'm using to just express my points of view on other things that cross my mind.

So, I will conclude this blog post, as I do every other post by asking your opinion. What are your views on this?  Do you enjoy what you read here?  For those who actually take the time to read these, I humbly thank you for your support.  For those first timers who are just reading this, welcome! And for those who are sick of reading these, these aren't done to appease anyone, so thanks for reading. :)

Good Mourning

On April 22nd, 2017, an actress passed away.  Erin Moran, AKA Joanie from "Happy Days" and the ill-fated spin-off "Joanie Loves Chachi" died from a short battle from cancer.  She had a history with addiction and it cost her dearly in life.

Upon her death, there was a lot of the typical condolences that one would typically expect from a death of a human being.  But then there was a lot of ones that made her out to be deserving of her death because of the drugs she used to do.

Now, ironically, upon finding out that she died of an especially aggressive cancer and that no drugs were in her system when she died, people retracted their statements.  People backtracked and tried offering their support even though just a few days before, they had attacked her for her drug use and talked of how she deserved her end.

Upon her death, the press hounded her widowed husband mercilessly.  The sheriff had to chase people away to even attempt to give him some time to grieve.  This was a man who was only really known as the husband of Erin Moran.  He wasn't a celebrity and he had some periods of homelessness.

He eventually released a statement to the press (pretty much was forced to, if you ask me) via Facebook where he talked about his final months with his wife.  He talked about it in detail (for any of those who cared to know).  He did this as a way to finally be left alone and to hopefully get a little  peace out of all of this.

But why did it come to this???  What happened to respect for the deceased??  Now, we live in a day and age where no one has compassion to the deceased any more.  Oh, this woman died, "Must have been the drugs."  "She got what she deserved."  "For me, you do drugs or drink, you're gonna die. I'm sorry if that's cold, but God gave you a brain, gave you the will to live and thrive and you gotta take care of yourself." 

After finding out about the cancer, these people were quick to retract, and rescind their comments, but the lack of respect is appalling.  I hope that when I die, people actually care at all, instead of finding some reason that I deserved to die.  It doesn't make the mourning any easier to justify someone's death because of problems they had in their lives.

To the family of Erin Moran, I hope you get some comfort out of this.  I hope she gets the respect she deserves, and RIP Erin Moran.  To the people who had no class but to bash her in death, have some respect.  You need some more compassion in your life.  

Learning by Example, the Dumbing Down of Today.

Sunday morning, I happened to read an interesting article.

Target is recalling Easter toys due to a serious ingestion hazard.

This got me to thinking.  Back when I was a kid, we had those little glow sponge toys.  They started off like little pills and you'd throw them water and in about 30 seconds to a minute, it'd turn into this sponge dinosaur.  I used to love those things.  One thing I knew though: not to ingest them.  Why?

I was at an age where I knew better.

Yes, on each package, there is a list of ages of people who can play with a particular toy.  Usually this has to do with the fact that:

1. The toy is too complex for a little kid to understand.  This can mean that it would only really be fun for someone of an appropriate age to play with.
2. Choking hazard or some other hazard.  This would be a toy that in the hands of a little kid could pose a serious choking hazard.  This would include things like toy cars (where the wheels can come off), or in this case, these toys that are being recalled.

So, apparently, either people aren't reading the age limits on them and buying them for people too young to have them, or people aren't properly supervising their kids around these toys.  Anyone who was a kid in this day and age has seen this type of toy before.  We all pretty much understand what they do.  Wouldn't it make sense to teach kids, "This is NOT to be eaten."  When did we lose common sense???

Ok.  This doesn't seem that big of a deal.  One toy got recalled because of a serious ingestion hazard.  I get it.  But just think of the ramifications.  I may be "over-estimating" the severity of things, but bear with me.

As a kid, I was the idiot who grabbed a bottle of VO-5, put a huge amount on my small hands, and washed my hair with it.  Considering that I didn't need that much shampoo, and I will say that I was balling but 10 seconds later because soap got in my eyes.   But I will tell you one thing:

I learned my lesson.

 Toys we had back in the day are now being affected because they have been deemed "dangerous."  I've done things that people in today's over-protective environment would say is "dangerous."  And look at me, 34 years old, and still alive.

But people can't ignore common sense when it comes to things.  Apparently, this is the day and age of the lawsuit.  "MY KID SWALLOWED YOUR PRODUCT AND HAD TO HAVE SURGERY!! I AM GOING TO SUE YOU!!!"  And the response becomes: The product becomes recalled.

What's next?  Recall VO-5 because a kid's eyes had to be flushed because he used shampoo intended for adults??  Might as well ban anything that has watch batteries, because guess what?  They can be opened up and those batteries can be ingested by a little kid.  To me, the simplest solution is to watch your kid, and keep small objects like that put away.  If you buy a toy like the Easter toys that are being recalled, make sure you are giving them to a kid who knows what they are and what they do.  If the kid doesn't understand, then don't buy them!! Plain and simple.  Not too hard to figure out!!

Relationship Advice in a Social World

"Nothing breaks the bridges of love, except a weak foundation." - self

Yes, that is a quote I came up with several years ago.  If you have a relationship with a strong foundation, then you have a love that can never be broken. 

However, nowadays, about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  How is this possible?  What is going on?  Is my quote inaccurate now???

I will contend that my quote is still just as accurate as it has always been, but there are now changes that make the foundations of relationships a little weaker.  How do we build indestructible foundations to create this permanent love?  Allow me to provide a little advice (with a little modern flair).

First of all, any foundation must be solid.  To build a solid foundation, we can not build the outer layers first and then fail to build the core within the relationship.  To build a solid core, you must first get to know the person you are with.  This is important.  A lot of relationships jump right into the sack too soon.  This creates a relationship without a solid core.  You have a relationship, but you don't really know the person you are with.  In this case, you are playing a gambling game.  So, if intimacy isn't the way to know someone, then what is?

The answer to everything in a relationship is: communication.  Plain and simple.  You must communicate with the person you are with.  You can not build any foundation without communication.  To build the core of the relationship, you must communicate with the person you are with.

Once you learn who the person you are with is, then what comes next?  Trust.  You must build trust with the person you are with.  Trust is one of things that is easy to lose.  It is difficult to gain, and easy to lose.  How do we build trust?

Again... communication.  You must continue to communicate with your significant other.  Do not be afraid to let down your guard and let this person in.  Revealing yourself to your partner allows your partner to trust you.  But trust is something that needs to be maintained.  If you've let your partner in, but fail to keep the lines of communication open, your partner will start to feel like you are hiding something.  Once that trust is lost, it is HARD to get that trust back.  The perfect analogy to this is like trying to push a rock up a hill.  You need to keep pushing that rock upwards.  If you slip up, you have to rebuild that momentum to get moving forward again.  And if you let it go completely, it rolls back down and you lose that trust completely.

The more trust you build, the stronger your foundation becomes.

Now, communication still continues to be important.  Even after you trust each other, you must be prepared to fix any issue that arises. Fights will happen.  This is normal.  What is important is, again... communication (WITH EACH OTHER!!!!).  You must communicate your point of view to your partner, and your partner should communicate his/her point of view with you.  Then find some type of solution to it.  Now, this could be coming up with a compromising solution where you give a little, and your partner gives a little, but together, you reach a common agreement, or it could be a give and take, where you let your partner have his/her way this time.

Now, note the all caps in the previous paragraph.  In today's day and age, people think it is acceptable to "have it out" on social media sites.  This is a BAD, BAD decision.  When you duke it out on social media, you are inviting friends into your fight.  This means that you are NOT communicating with each other, but are instead communicating to your friends, and looking for validation behind your point of view.  What you are doing is building an army and going to war against your partner.  Does this sound like a couple who wants things to work???

No.

The days of social media have made it harder for relationships to work.  Couples who fight now pit their friends against their partner, and their partner against their friends.  It turns into a complicated mess.  If I have a friend who is fighting it out on Facebook with their partner, I will therefore feel pressured to side with my friend over my friend's partner, even though my friend's partner may be right.  And in the end: no communication ever happens with each other.  No solutions are ever come up with.  No one comes up with a resolution, therefore the fighting escalates.

You can not solve a problem by building an army and going to war against your partner.  Hoping to destroy your partner KILLS your relationship.  The bridge is broke.  There is no repairing it.  What you need to do is mend those paths together.  You need to work together with your partner to patch up the road.  And to do that, you must actually put down the weapons, get rid of the army, and practice diplomacy with each other, and actually fix the problem.  No war was ever "peacefully" resolved with killing.  In the end, peace treaties are signed when two people actually get together and talk.

Communication is the key to everything, in the end.  And today, people do not communicate enough with each other.  People are spending too much time apart, getting caught up in their own lives, and dealing with their own problems.  Remember, in a successful relationship, your problems are also your partner's problems.  Help each other work through them.  People keep building up armies against each other.  Try resolving your issues in a peaceful manner, before the need to build an army even arises.  Even in marriage, foundations must be maintained.  There is no such thing as "the indestructible foundation,"  but a foundation that is maintained, with proper communication, will last for as long as you make it last.


As always, thanks for reading.  Feel free to leave comments if my advice helped you at all.  Also, if you feel that this advice is "on-point," share the knowledge with someone you feel could benefit from this.  With approximately 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, I feel that this is a message that needs to be to be read. :)

Like A Boss

How do you motivate a team to do good work for you?  Do you be nice to your coworkers and expect that they'll do good work for you in kind, or do you yell at your employees and expect that they'll work hard because they feel their job is in jeopardy if they fail?

Which is the best approach?

I have been in those shoes before.  I have been in a position where I was in charge of a staff of employees, so I have some first-hand knowledge on this topic.  As a supervisor, you still have bosses who demand a lot from you.  And you, in turn, have to expect a lot from your employees.  If you employees fail, you fail.  So, there is a lot of pressure for a supervisor to get his/her team to perform at a satisfactory level.  But what is the best approach to get employees to work?

If a boss has a tendency to be nice with their employees, then the work place environment becomes casual.  Casual work environments have pros and cons associated with them.  The good thing with a positive work environment is that morale is high.  Workers who are happy at their jobs want to stick around so retention is high.  They'll enjoy their job and usually leave work in a good mood.  They'll get work done, and the employees will feel open to voice any concerns that they have with their boss.  After all, their boss is their friend too! :) [All smiles and wonderful things here]!! :D :D :D

However, this does create other problems.  In a casual work environment, the employees are shielded from the reality of what is really going on.  Employees usually do not realize that despite getting work done, they aren't getting enough work done.  Because it is a casual, friendly environment with a friend as a supervisor, the supervisor never takes any initiative to motivate his/her employees to work harder.  Therefore, they constantly fail to meet deadlines, and they fall behind as a result.  While this is happening, the supervisor gets yelled at, and shields his/her team from it. Employees, therefore, do not realize that stress that their supervisor is under.  Two things happen then:

1. The supervisor ends up "taking one for the team" and doing the extra work.
2. The supervisor ends up losing his/her job due to incompetence to lead.

In either case, having a too casual work environment usually ends badly for the supervisor.  It doesn't negatively affect the coworkers, until they get yelled at by upper-management.  A lot of them may even leave when their supervisor gets let go.  Those who stick around lose morale as soon as a different supervisor takes over who isn't buddies with them. 

Now, another option is for the supervisor to be a "drill sergeant"  and ride their employee's asses to get the job done.  This is what I refer to as a "concentration camp." This leads to a lower morale with the employees.  The employees become afraid of discussing issues with their boss because they fear being yelled at.  The employees dread going to work everyday, so they tend to either A) come up with excuses to not go to work, B) work despite their issues and get extremely stressed out, or C) quit.

Having a boss yell all of the time hurts employee retention.  And this isn't just a small deal.  Those people who dealt with this boss, tell other people.  And soon word of your notoriety spreads.  Now, people won't even apply for the job because they know they'd have to deal with you.

On top of that, it doesn't change the fact that you are still getting your ass ridden by upper-management.  Your employees that DO work for you yet, have so little morale, they do not care if they get fired.  Therefore, they will work slowly, regardless of how much you yell or scream.  You could threaten their job, and they'd cower down and work, but be definitely considering their options.  Other employees that work hard for you, despite getting their asses ridden all of the time, start to stress out.  They tend to drink when off work, and are constantly stressed even at home.  This also leads to the condition where employees that work their asses off, feel all of the pressure is on them to do the extra work of the employees who don't work as hard.  Results are all that matter.  More than likely, the employees good deeds will not be noticed, nor complimented, and they'll just feel both emotionally and physically drained as a result.

One of the things I had learned at my previous job is that you don't yell at your employees.  You want to be firm and direct with them.  You want to make sure they know you are in charge and what you say goes.  But they also need to know that it is okay for them to talk to you about any issues they may have.  Keep your conversations direct and to the point.

As a supervisor, it is not your job to be friends with your employees.  You can be on friendly terms with them, but it is NOT recommended to be friends with them.  Employees will respect you more, if you seem authoritative and to the point.  Treat your employees with the same respect you would have them expect of you.  An employee with a good morale, and a good structured work environment will always be more productive.

As a shift lead, I had a staff of only 4 people at maximum.  We were horribly understaffed and unable to keep employee retention where it needed to be.  This was due to the fact that our shift was a weekend shift that ran during the summer, AND was overnight.  Being understaffed lead to a lot of stress, and we all felt it.  I had developed a motto at this point, "If you work for me, I will work with you."  This meant that as long as you were doing your job and putting forth effort at doing it, I would be right there next to you, busting my ass with you.  If you failed, I'd be right there with you.  We failed together.  But if you were a slacker, who didn't want to do the job or just didn't want to be there, then I would have you fired.  And, unfortunately, that did come up with an employee I had who just didn't care at all about the job or whether he even showed up to work on time.

Now, I work a job where I'm no longer a supervisor of any kind.  I had to step down and go back to square one with a completely different industry and job.  I have a boss who towards the beginning would yell at me for making mistakes.  I admit that I tend to make more mistakes when I'm overwhelmed by new information.  I work in a retail job and rules change from day to day.  I've heard it implied that you are not an adult if you don't like being yelled at.  That is simply not true.  Morale affects everyone equally, regardless of age.  The only difference is, the more qualified you are, the less you are likely to put up with it.  I don't get yelled at as much, and I feel more motivated to give it my all.  Getting yelled at destroys my morale, and my will to work.  The firm but friendly supervisor who acknowledges the good work I do, is the supervisor I want to work under.

Thanks for reading this!!  If you have any comments that you would like to add, feel free to share them below. :)