Cautiously Religious (kind of long)

Religion and I have had a love-hate relationship for many years.  For me, religion was a roller coaster.  I had a period where I was high on a hill and could see everything around me.  The view was amazing from the top of that hill.  And then, very quickly, I rode down the hill to the bottom.  At the bottom, the view wasn't as impressive, and I was moving fast through it.  I wasn't able to take in the view any more.  I just followed the roller coaster down.  And slowly, started to ride the coaster back up.  That is my spot right now.

Let's put the metaphor into context.  As a child, I was abused.  Coming from an abusive household, you are emotionally shut down.  What moments of joy you get, you hold on to.  For me, moments of joy were sea shells, rocks, video games at my dad's house, and going to Bible study on Sundays.  I always found church services to be boring, mundane, and tiring to go to.  As a kid, with a lot of pent up energy, a church service where everyone just sits and listens felt like going to school.  The congregation would sing hymns and I'd just follow along with it, without a lot of invested interest.  But Bible Study was a bit more fun.  We'd sit with a teacher in a small group and talk and learn.  I had gotten to go on a trip to Chicago with a bible group, and got to go to a Bible camp in the summer.

I used to be paranoid about religion.  Music that made references to the devil, Hell, etc were taboo with me.  Even if the song wasn't an anti-Semitic, I wouldn't listen to it.  I was always scared that even the sheer mention of "the other place" would cause me to end up there.  Even though I was depressed with life, I held on to those beliefs and tried to be strong with religion.  I had learned A LOT about religion, but never embraced the concept of "God is love."  I never felt love in my broken home, and never felt loved by anyone or anything.

When I was 18, I was in the National Guard.  I moved out of my abusive situation just 3 days before being sent to Basic Training.  While there, I w ent to a protestant church service (because even though I was Lutheran, military churches provided one service for many different Catholic religions).  While at the church service, I felt for the first time, abandoned.  I had never felt love from anyone, not even God.  I felt, nothingness.  The years of abuse had left their mark on me.  I went into a situation where the drill sergeant's sole purpose was to break down my self-driven spirit and build it back up into a team-driven spirit.  I had NO spirit going in, and therefore, not anything to break down, except for the last of my sanity.  I had had suicidal thoughts in the past, when dealing with my mother, but my experience there brought them back into light.  As a result, I got a general discharge from the military with a mood disorder EPTS (existing prior to service).  Leaving there left me with less sanity than when I went in, and my religious world shattered.

I felt angry with God.  How could God put me into that abusive household?  How could he have not shown me love?  How is it when I talked to him, I felt nothing?  And the burning thought came to my mind...  I no longer believe.

I started listening to the music I wanted to listen to, because I felt there was no Hell.  There was no consequence for any of it.  He never listened to me, He must not exist.  I believed for the longest time, I was atheist.  Looking back on it, I wasn't atheistic.  Atheists truly believe in nothing.  Atheists truly believe there is no such thing as God.  I wasn't that.  I denied Him because I was angry.  And I spent MANY years angry with God, religion, my mother, etc.  I even harbored resentment towards the military because of the way the drill sergeants treated me, even after finding out about my abusive upbringing.

After years of therapy, anti-psychotic and anti-depressant medications, and self-loathing, my views on religion started to gradually change.  I started to develop my own beliefs.  I started to believe in reincarnation.  That when I die, I will be reborn back on Earth to live again as someone or something new.  I was still on the fence about God, but did notice that when atheist people would talk to me and share their anti-God beliefs, that I would actually be a trifle offended.  That was further proof that I never really stopped believing.  I just stopped believing that He ever loved me.

I told people that it would take a miracle for me to start believing in God again.  And then, I had a son.  My wife was told that she would possibly never have kids.  Finding out that we were expecting was a life-altering moment for me.  My religious beliefs started becoming more open.  Instead of being close-minded about God, I started to open my mind up to the possibility.  THAT, to me, was a miracle of some sort. 

However, I remain cautious about religion.  Things I didn't notice back when I was a bored-stiff Lutheran sitting in the church pew, started to surface.  Things like hate and bigotry happen in church all of the time.  So-called Christians actually preaching lessons of hate.

Now, while I can't say that I felt God's presence in my life as a child and as an angry young man, I can say that I feel I learned a lot:

1. God is love.  This was a tough lesson to sink in.  I still don't comprehend that feeling of communicating with God and just feeling that everything is going to be okay.  That is something I am working on.  But a lot of that stuff I read about on the news, from members of churches, is just appalling.  We have people who scream, "It's not Steve, it's Eve!!" to homosexuals everywhere.  To God, we are all His children, and are loved equally by Him.  In God's eyes, therefore, we are ALL his family.  It doesn't care what skin color you wear, your gender, or even your sexual orientation.  God would love every person as His children.  In the world of religion, everyone is family.
2. People judge wrongly.  In the eyes of God, no human has the right to cast judgement, because we as people, are not above sin.  We judge others without looking at our own sins and judging or own sins accordingly.  The only one who has a right to judge is God, because He is infallible and above sin.  Just because I don't believe the same things as someone else, doesn't mean I'm "
   going to Hell."  People who say homosexuals are going to Hell, same deal.  Those people do NOT have the right to judge.  Just even saying those things are sacrilegious.
3. Satan is hate.  Is is kind of a stretch, but hear me out.  If God is love, then conversely, Satan must be hate.  And the influence is everywhere.  Even if it that whisper in your ear, telling you to discriminate against someone, is Satan influencing you to do so.  Satan is infiltrated every aspect of our lives, EVEN RELIGION.  Just think about it.  Where would be the most powerful way of corrupting our lives to a life of sin?  That's right.  In the very churches we go to every Sunday.  It is NOT safe to assume that ALL churches have this going on.  There are churches that preach love to all of God's children.  There are churches out there that know what the true word of God is.  We as people need to be mindful of this fact when selecting what churches we go to.  Hate as found its way into churches so easily, that people even claim that hate is in the Bible.  And while the Bible was written by men, and therefore fallible, it has been justified over the centuries.  People even added anti-Semitic passages into the Bible.  For instance, there is a passage that states, "A man who lays with another man, shall surely be put to death."  This is found in the "Holiness Code" of Leviticus in the Bible.  However, a lot of scholars believe that those passages were added much later than the rest of the ones in Leviticus. The language used differs significantly than the rest of the book.  Now, no one can confirm with certainly the legitimacy of that, but even so, we as humans can not hate.  Going back to previous points: we can not judge, and God is love.  Even if those acts were performed, the people committing those acts are still loved, and we as people have no right to judge them for it. 

Religion has been used to justify government platforms.  Some Republicans even wanted to make religion part of government.  Looking back to the Crusades back in the 14th century, I do not feel that would be a good idea.  Forcing people who adhere to a set religion, especially if they don't believe everything religion teaches.  There are good aspects to religion, don't get me wrong, but there are bad ones too.  If I were Catholic, my views on reincarnation would be shunned.  It doesn't follow the rules of the church, therefore unacceptable.  I, personally, believe that we as people should be allowed to believe, however we see fit to believe, as long as we believe.  If we as people talk to God, let Him into our hearts, and get rid of things like hate and jealousy, then we'll find that the rest will fall into place. 

Like the book of Matthew, Chapter 18, suggests, "Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."  That means, what you believe in life, He will hold true in heaven.  What you don't believe in life, he won't hold true in Heaven.  This is also a major plot point in the movie "Dogma," but we don't dive too far into that tangent.  So, if you deny God in life, you'll be denied God in heaven.  If I believe in reincarnation in life, he'll hold that belief for me in Heaven.  Pretty straight-forward.


So, at this point, I may talk to God, hoping I'll feel that warmth and comfort that people do when they talk to Him.  I'll keep searching for that faith that I had lost on my roller coaster life.  But going back to religion again?  That is one that I will be extremely cautious about.  Religion is man-made, and fallible, and I want to make sure that my personally-held beliefs are honored and accepted as my own, without criticism or judgment.  Because in the end, what I believe is what is truly important, NOT what people think I SHOULD believe.


What are your views on this?  Do you agree or disagree?  Please leave a comment.  If you read through this, then PLEASE share it so others can read it too.  While I don't get a lot of feedback from my blogs, I know there are people out there who read these things.  Don't be shy. :)  Thanks for reading.

Social Media And Me

I haven't posted in a while.  There have been significant changes in my life.

I had a kid.

Yes, I am now a father to a baby boy we named Theodore.  :)  So, I haven't really had time to post in a while.  However, as I browse social media, I was inspired to post.  Perhaps, it was my Facebook page (also named "The Editorialistic View") informing me that I hadn't posted in a while.  And conveniently enough, Facebook (more specifically my news feed on Facebook) entered my cross hairs.

So, I will start this post on what Facebook means to me.  After all, I have been a member of Facebook since it became more than just a Harvard thing. When I signed up, you still had to be a member of a college, and being I was a student at Dakota State University, I had to use my college email address to sign up.  Now, it has expanded to a social networking platform that dominates the field.  People have even created Facebook profiles for their pets.  At first I signed up just to be in contact with others... to make friends.

Now, Facebook (and all social media for that matter) has been a way to keep in contact with family and friends I, otherwise, don't communicate with on a daily basis.  Facebook is a great way for me to see pictures of friends and family.  I have family with kids that I see pictures of on occasion.  I get comical and humorous quips from people just out to give their peers (as I'll colloquially refer to "friends and family" for the duration of this) a reason to smile or chuckle.  I get to see what is on people's minds.  If they are down or sad, they talk about it.  Sometimes the chuckle helps sad people feel better.

And now, social media has turned.  It is no longer the platform of keeping up with peers.  It is now political ramblings, memes from people who can't spell, chain posts, and links upon links from sponsored content that tricks you into never ending pages of ads and overly drawn out articles that are there just for ad revenue. 

For one, I will admit, I didn't vote this last election.  I didn't really care who won or who lost.  It was a choice between an egotist, or a person whose soul purpose was to be the first female president.  None were really the best for the nation, and I didn't feel shame for not voting.  I've always felt my vote doesn't matter because the votes are determined by the electorate, not by the people.  If looking at popular vote, Hillary would have won it.  But I didn't care then, and guess what?  I still don't care.  Political posts are ones that I either: A) quickly scroll past or B) hide from my news feed.  If a person's posts are nothing but political and nothing  I care about, they disappear magically from my feed.  Now, they may argue, "But this is stuff you need to know," or "This is important for what is going on right now."  I do watch the news and do read news articles.  So, it really isn't THAT important for me to read on Facebook.  I prefer my news without bias and complaints. 

Memes are now part of social media culture.  For those not in the know, they are images with funny captions.  And they quickly become viral.  To me, they are sort of a plague.  People post memes that are horribly misspelled, grammatically incorrect, and say NOTHING relevant about them.  They are a post that, to me, lacks substance.  They are a lazy post that can be humorous and actually worth seeing, but they can also be stupid and completely pointless.  In my opinion, memes would be posted with thought, not just thrown about because you hadn't posted something in 5 minutes.  They should be intelligent.  Memes exist that have false quotes from celebrities who have passed on.  Those are the worst kind in my opinion.  Those are memes that stick words into people's mouths who don't have the ability to deny or refute those quotes.  There are A LOT of memes, for instance, that have quotes that George Carlin allegedly made (and almost all of those quotes are fake).  If a person has passed on, no more memes should be created with his/her likeness.  They should be retired and not remembered in that disrespectful manner.

Chain posts are just dangerous and any one who passes those on should stop.  Chain posts create long lists that can be used for malicious purposes.  It is a form of farming that can result in people getting spam.  A lot of these posts are used for "like-farming."  They tug at people's heart strings and cause people to like the posts.  After a lot of people have liked the post, they change the content and it can either download spyware to a person's computer or link to spammy content.  For more information on this, click here to read an article on "like-farming."  There are some legitimate ones out there, who use like-farming as a way to generate buzz about their business and draw in more customers, but there are others that are there just to put spam on your computers.  Do not share posts that are not trust-worthy, and do not tag me in like-farming posts.

The sponsored click-bait that Facebook throws on my news feed is really frustrating.  I can't help myself to occasionally reading them, but they are stupid at the same time.  I, actually, feel a sense of shame for reading them.  Luckily there are people who have ventured into the abyss and summarized the post so I don't have to waste my time on 20-30 needlessly drawn out, ad-infested pages of crap just to get to the one relevant page at the end.  I don't have the time, I don't have the patience, and I don't want to be spammed with ads every single page I read.  Trying to read those on my phone causes my phone to claim to have a virus and redirect me to a fake "Google Play" page trying to get me to download spyware to my phone.  Those posts NEED to STOP.  The problem is, they take up a good chunk of my news feed.

Now, if dumb memes, political ramblings, chain posts, and click bait sponsored content was to disappear from my news feed, I would find that my news feed is pretty empty.  It may seem like a sad existence, but it isn't.  The occasional relevant post that I get from people does brighten my day.  It really doesn't take much.  Social media still does remain a great way to keep in contact with people whom I don't see or talk to on a frequent basis.  Even the occasional meme does have relevance if properly placed (and properly spelled).  Sometimes, how a person is feeling is best summed up by a meme.  There are posts that I feel have no place on Facebook or any other social media site, but it is one of those things that can't be helped.  While there are people who are obsessively political, they may also be peers that I can't just unfriend, block, or hide because in the end, they are still peers and occasionally they'll post something that is relevant.  I just choose not to read.

So, I choose to use social media to do what I feel it is intended for.  To be social, in a manner that is most comfortable for me.  I like being able to keep in contact with peers I don't see, and I will continue to use it for that purpose.  Feel free to comment to me every once in a while, and I will respond.  Feel free to respond to this post if you have an opinion you want to share.  Thank you for taking the time to read!!