Friday, March 15, 2019

The Importance of Person First Speech

I want you to read the title.  Then read it again.

First of all, I did not make a typo.  A lot of people, I'm sure, are thinking I meant "first person" instead of "person first," but they are, in fact, two different things.  First person speech is a speech pattern we use every day in our writing and in our speech.

"I am ok," is a statement in the first person.

In writing, this is referred to as "first-person narrative" and is commonly used when the writer wants to include him/herself as part of the story.  "As I walked out the front door, I felt a sudden chill in the air.  This was odd, considering it is a balmy 95°F where I live," is an example of first-person narrative.

However, what I'm talking about here is "person first" language.  This is a manner of speaking (mainly in the areas of psychology) where a person HAS a condition or a disorder without actually being the disorder.  Sound confusing?  This will make it a little easier to follow:

John is an alcoholic.

John is a person with alcoholism.

Which one of the two statements sounds better?  Most people see John and are like, "Yep, he's an alcoholic."  This is not person first speech.  This is the typical manner of speech that is used by everyone because it is shorter, simpler, and let's face it easier to say.

However, saying the second one has the same meaning, but it sounds more sympathetic.  You now recognize that John is a person who just happens to have alcoholism.  This is person first language.  You are acknowledging that John is a person who just happens to have a problem with alcohol.

Why is this important?

Simply put, acknowledging that John is, in fact, a person who just happens to have a problem tends to lend itself to more sympathetic responses.  People working in the mental health field use this type of language to help bring value to the person with the condition.  They feel they are worth more than just having the condition.

People who look at someone as an alcoholic tend to devalue that person as a human being and attach to them a label that will scrutinize that person for life.  John in the example would think of himself as nothing but an alcoholic with no ability to rise above that label.  He will drink himself to death because he'll think he can not rise above that.  And everyone else in society, does the same thing.  They'll look at John and think, "He will be nothing more than an alcoholic."  "Alcoholics do nothing but drink their lives away and pick fights."

But the truth is, alcoholism is an actual medical disorder and as such, it is recognized as a condition that a person just happens to have.  That person still has value as a human being first, and having the condition second.

Makes sense right?

Now, is person first language preferred in all cases?

No.

For instance, a lot of people who have autism consider their autism as something that makes them unique.  Therefore, a lot of autistic people prefer to think of themselves as autistic.  This is one of those things where I am kind of on fence about.

See, a person who accepts their condition and the uniqueness that comes with it, also finds acceptance in the flaws that come with it.  They find acceptance in the anxiety, the social difficulties, the sensory processing issues, etc that come with it.  They fully embrace the good aspects, and accept the bad aspects as part of the condition.  However, if there is support and therapy that can help mitigate some of the bad aspects, wouldn't it seem fitting to want to see yourself as a person with autism and then accept the autistic label after the difficult traits have been lessened?

As society tends to still judge a person on their limitations, I feel it would be good to still refer to people in full acceptance of their condition in the person first language.  Society tends to look at people with autism as "disabled" or "handicapped" when the opposite is true in a lot of cases.  People devalue the worth of someone by labeling them as anything other than a person.  By saying something like

I am a person with autism.
You show employers, psychologists, and society as a whole that you are a person first with a lot of applicable skills to do the job at hand.  You have a personality beyond that of a label.  You are a unique individual who just so happens to be autistic.  You may have difficulties with social interactions, loud crowded groups, eye contact, etc, but you are more than just that.  You are you.  You are unique.  So, there are definitely reasons to stick with person first speech.

And this type of speech is widely becoming the standard.  It is becoming the preferred standard in the mental health community, and I would not be surprised to see it take off everywhere else as well.  It is something that I can see the benefits of.  We are more than what our labels say we are, and person first language is the perfect way to show the world that.

What are your thoughts?  Do you agree or do you disagree?  Will you start using person first speech in your day to day communications?  Let me know in the comments on social media or even here.  Thanks for reading!!

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Inside My Mind Versus Outside of My Mind

People have speculated that I am on the Autism Spectrum.  I don't know if that is true, for it is difficult for me to accept things that haven't been confirmed to be true.  People have said that I need to "open up more" and to actually say what is on my mind.  To those who know me personally, you would know that this is extremely difficult for me cause it doesn't take much for me to shut down verbally.  But it is A LOT easier for me to say what is on my mind when I type.  So, this post may seem like a hot mess, but this is what goes on in my mind in a short amount of time...

oO{Why is it hard for me to speak to people?  Why don't I feel love like other people feel love?  Why would people say things like they would take a bullet for someone when more species are focused on self preservation?  Why did my mother not love me?  Why did she say she'd load the pistol when I told her I wanted to kill myself at 18?  Why can't I connect to my son or my wife the way a normal person does?  Why can't I feel emotions, but anger and bitterness at the opportunities that "normal" people get?  Why can't I make friends?  Why is it difficult for me to look people in the eyes, do I feel they are looking into my soul?  Why is it difficult for me to do the things that I used to love doing?  Why can't I even get motivated enough to play a game any more without quitting half way through?  I really need to find my glasses, but I find myself sick of looking within 5 minutes cause it just seems to difficult a task.  There is light at the end of the tunnel, I just have to keep trudging forward.  Why do I let people treat me like crap?  Why do I wallow in self-pity?  My last boss reminded me of a high school bully who had no further aspirations but to get a job where he could go and be a bully and be rewarded for it?  Why am I different?  How is it that I soaked every negative thing up like a sponge while other people can just brush them off?  I wish you could spend 5 minutes in my head.  You don't know what my life is like!!! You do not know what it is like to be bullied, abused, throughout your childhood, to try to cope as an adult and feel that everybody in the world is out to get you because that is all you know.  I can't change who I am because my past is to ingrained into who I am.  I wish I could be normal for just one day.  The only time I felt relaxed is when I smoked pot that one time cause the thoughts went away for a while.  When I play a game, I lose myself in the game and the thoughts go away.  Vaping helps dull the thoughts some, why can't people see that?  Why does no one understand?  Why can't I just show people what my life is like every F*CKING minute of EVERY DAY.  Why is it assumed that I'm the strong one?  I need to show a brave face in tough times cause people depend on me to be strong.  My son needs someone who can bond with him better than I can.  Where are my glasses, my contacts are too dry and frequent use of eye drops have literally caused my eye lids to feel chapped.  Why is it after 5 minutes of looking, I give up.  If we can make it until tax time, we should be better.  Why do I feel like I'm going to get yelled at if I talk about my feelings?  I don't like it when people touch me.  I don't like sitting in chairs that other people just recently sat in.  Why do I hate the feeling of moisture on my skin when it is natural for a person's skin to have moisture?  I shouldn't have to plan out every conversation I ever plan on having, when I choke up and shut down every time I want to say what is on my mind.  I should just disappear.  It's not like any one ever wants to be my friend anyways.  My son is such a happy baby.  Why would I want to subject him to the craziness that is me?  If I am autistic, is there even a point in finding out?  It's not like it would do me any good?  If I don't take care of my physical and mental health, then I can't work.  I will do what is necessary to ensure my mental health and my physical health are in tact.  Why is it when someone is verbally instructing me on how to do something, I only hear and process the first one or two instructions before I become completely lost and lose focus on everything altogether?   Why can't I say what I need to say?  Why don't I feel happiness in anything?  You have no idea what it is like to be me.  Why is it every idea I have is stupid?  Why can't people understand that I just need to shut down my brain every once in a while before I blow up and shut down???}

"Anything you want to talk about?"

My reply: "No, I'm fine."

Feel free to comment if you can relate.   Sorry if this post seemed pointless, but this blog was created as a way for me to vent about things that I see a lot of people ranting and raving about.  I've had a lot of thoughts on my mind and being that I don't have friends to talk to about things (not that I could if I DID have friends), this seemed to be the best way to let my thoughts out.  If is stirs conversation, then it served its purpose.