Sex offenders... who are the victims?

There has been a lot going on in the news with regards to child pornography.  It is definitely on the rise.  Just in the last 2 weeks, there have been at least 2 cases happen locally to me.  This definitely seems higher than it used to be, when this was a thing that was rarely ever discussed.  Now, it is unfortunately, a reality, and to top it off, a lot of pedophiles feel that THEY are the victim because of the Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act (SORNA) and mandatory minimum sentences.  There are people who justify hebephilia (attraction to pubescent kids) because it is a natural instinct (as it is in nature when as soon as animals are able to reproduce, they do for survival).

Now, the real question is?  Are these people right?  Are they the victims of nature?

First of all, I will admit that I type this with a certain degree of bias.  I hate anyone who victimizes a child in any way, shape, or form.  I have a strong dislike towards people who abuse children, because I feel children are innocent and their whole lives become negatively affected by abuse sustained on them.  As I was a victim of child abuse (physical and mental), I can tell you that I was permanently affected by it.  Having never been sexually abused, I can not say that "I've been there," or that "I know what that is like," but I can say that abuse has long lasting effects that can potentially last a life time to get over.

So, I will always lean towards the victim being the child.

Now, let's get to the bottom of why sex offenders feel they are the victims.  The sex offender registry was created to notify people when sex offenders are moving next to them.  It is also there to notify potential homeowners of how many sex offenders live in their future neighborhood.  The sex offender registry was created to inform people for the safety of their children.  That's pretty much it.  Any use of that list beyond that purpose is actually considered a felony.

But people out there have used the list for more nefarious purposes.  They have done things like committing acts of violence against sex offenders, harassing them relentlessly, vandalizing their property, and killing them.  These people believe that they are making the world a better place by doing this.  This is debatable, as I feel people who commit heinous crimes against children, should meet the capital punishment system.

Some of the offenses don't even seem that severe (for instance, a 15 and a 17 year old dating and then the 17 year old turns 18 and is suddenly a sex offender because the 15 year old's parents do not approve).  There have been people who falsely have had people arrested just because they had a disagreement and falsely claimed their kids have been molested.  These are people who get tied into the sex offender registry as well, and they are demonized for it.

There are a lot of people who believe that hebephilia is normal, and it is natural.  It was going to be categorized as a DSM-V mental illness, and there was an uproar about it.  They argued that being attracted to pubescent kids is "normal, and natural."  To an extent, I can see their point of view: from a strictly biological standpoint.  People younger than the age of 20, tend to be the most fertile, and have higher levels of hormones.  In the wild, animals mate as soon as they are able.  So, it may seem like a natural instinct to be attracted to younger people.  However, as human beings, we are more sophisticated (at least we should be).  We have emotions, we have feelings.  We are not "wild" or "feral" creatures.  We have a complex social structure.  We, as humans, generally understand that kids do not fully understand the consequences of their actions.  Adolescents do not fully comprehend the extent of their actions when they consent, or when they are abused.  Full brain development doesn't stop until 30.  The younger they are, the less they understand the consequences of their actions.  The younger they are, the less they understand that having sex has long term emotional consequences beyond the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.  They don't understand what it means to have innocence and then not have it any more.  They don't understand that the way they feel about themselves changes when they give up their innocence.

Victims of abuse, do not understand this because they aren't developed enough to do so.  Just imagine what this means for the victim of child rape, who at the age of 2-3 was victimized, photographed, and raped for the pleasure of a disgraced Fire Chief and other perverts out there.  This is a child whose innocence was taken away at such a young age, she will NEVER have innocence.  It is actually remarkable how young people can remember things like this.  This is a girl whose life is PERMANENTLY affected by this.  She may have a normal childhood... but this is permanent.

So, who are the victims???  While most sex offenders typically feel they are the victims due to the sex offender registry, I really have to disagree.  A sex offender may have ruined his/her life in the process, but he/she ruined the life of someone else as well.  That sex offender ruined the innocence of a child.  A child who is learning at a vastly accelerated rate to an older person due to brain development.  This is a person, who is learning at a young age, the horrors of humanity.  A person who should be learning about math, science, and how to enjoy life, is learning about monsters with cameras and perverted intentions.

The victims of abuse are ALWAYS the children.

What are your opinions on this hot topic?  Do you agree, disagree?  As always, feel free to comment with your opinion.

RIP Firefox

For probably the last 10 years or so, I have been a faithful devotee to Mozilla Firefox.  I can remember when I made the decision to switch to Firefox.

Internet Explorer did not have the support to add add-ons.  It was a basic Internet, that at the time, worked for most things.  I was going to college and I started to notice that some of the webpages on the school's servers (including D2L services) did not support Internet Explorer.  It was at this time, that I happily quit Internet Explorer (pfft didn't even have add-ons, like c'mon).

I loved Mozilla Firefox for many years, and I never thought I would abandon it.  But then recently, I started having those similar problems like before... websites would fail to function, specifically Dominos.  Yeah, I couldn't order Dominos because the website wouldn't let me log in.  Turned out the culprit... was Firefox.

Yes, a web browser that I have loved for over 10 years has betrayed me, with impunity.  How dare it deny me my pizza!!!!! Curse you to HELL!!!!

But... I love Mozilla Firefox for so long.  This is almost a grieving process that I must go through, when I bit adieu to Firefox.  I am, in a sense, releasing the casket of Firefox past into space.

But... but... but.... we had some good times, old pal.  I will miss you.  But for now...

I've switched to Chrome.

I think it is for the best that we retire Mozilla Firefox.  They have failed to live up to my expectations when I want a good browsing experience.  I am getting sick and tired of having my browser sporadically lock up on me because it decides it wants to go non-responding.  I am tired of being forced to order pizza on Firefox's inconvenient schedule.

This is truly a sad day... :( :( :( But hopefully the future continues to look brighter.  And who knows?  Maybe those folks at Mozilla will get it together and provide me the browsing experience I deserve to have.  (Doubtful, but I'll be optimistic.)

Any comments?  What is your favorite Internet Browser?  Feel free to comment below, or on Facebook.  Thanks for reading.

Why do I blog? [AKA Why bother?]

A thought has been crossing my mind as of late.  Why do I blog?  What is the purpose of this little social "experiment?"  Is it to entertain?  Is it to generate all sorts of revenue?  Is it to become a household name, and the topic of several table top discussions?  Or perhaps... it is just to be relevant?

The answer to all of those questions is "No."(for the most part, as I do try to be somewhat entertaining in normal conversation).  I know that I frequently ask for people's opinions on things as to get some sort of feedback.  I usually get none.  In fact, the only feedback I get is from my wife.  Am I angry about it?  No.  Because none of those reasons are things I really care about.

Blogging in this atmosphere to a lot of people would seem like they are carrying on "one-sided conversations" where they are talking, but no one is listening.  However, I do see that I get a lot of readers (in fact, I am usually impressed by a meager 30-40 viewer reads from any one of my blog posts.  It isn't a high number, no, but it at least means I do have an audience. 

But it isn't the "one-sided conversation" that it seems to be.  My blogging is a means for me to rant about the things that sometimes keep me up at night.  It is a form of therapy for me.  I have a tendency to stay awake as my mind continues to rant and rave about things for hours after laying down to sleep.  I have found that when I post a blog post about something that has been on my mind, I find it easier to shut my eyes and actually fall asleep.

Having an audience of people to express my points of view to is a nice way of getting my view point out there.  It eases that tension, and admittedly, it feels good to do so.  Getting input and feedback on my posts would bring about a nice point of discussion, but it isn't one of those things that I necessarily depend on to find joy in doing this.

So, the question then becomes: How much longer will I keep doing this?  Being that this really isn't a form of conversation, or even close to a conversation starter for me, blogging is one of those things I am trying to keep up with on a regular basis.  But coming up with things to blog about can be challenging at times.  As I have things to express my opinion on, I will continue to blog. :)

Sure, I could join the populace and start ranting about the President.  But I'm not going to do that, because that has literally been done to death, and I'm not going to subject myself to the negativity that would come from either side of that.  This is one of those platforms I'm using to just express my points of view on other things that cross my mind.

So, I will conclude this blog post, as I do every other post by asking your opinion. What are your views on this?  Do you enjoy what you read here?  For those who actually take the time to read these, I humbly thank you for your support.  For those first timers who are just reading this, welcome! And for those who are sick of reading these, these aren't done to appease anyone, so thanks for reading. :)

Good Mourning

On April 22nd, 2017, an actress passed away.  Erin Moran, AKA Joanie from "Happy Days" and the ill-fated spin-off "Joanie Loves Chachi" died from a short battle from cancer.  She had a history with addiction and it cost her dearly in life.

Upon her death, there was a lot of the typical condolences that one would typically expect from a death of a human being.  But then there was a lot of ones that made her out to be deserving of her death because of the drugs she used to do.

Now, ironically, upon finding out that she died of an especially aggressive cancer and that no drugs were in her system when she died, people retracted their statements.  People backtracked and tried offering their support even though just a few days before, they had attacked her for her drug use and talked of how she deserved her end.

Upon her death, the press hounded her widowed husband mercilessly.  The sheriff had to chase people away to even attempt to give him some time to grieve.  This was a man who was only really known as the husband of Erin Moran.  He wasn't a celebrity and he had some periods of homelessness.

He eventually released a statement to the press (pretty much was forced to, if you ask me) via Facebook where he talked about his final months with his wife.  He talked about it in detail (for any of those who cared to know).  He did this as a way to finally be left alone and to hopefully get a little  peace out of all of this.

But why did it come to this???  What happened to respect for the deceased??  Now, we live in a day and age where no one has compassion to the deceased any more.  Oh, this woman died, "Must have been the drugs."  "She got what she deserved."  "For me, you do drugs or drink, you're gonna die. I'm sorry if that's cold, but God gave you a brain, gave you the will to live and thrive and you gotta take care of yourself." 

After finding out about the cancer, these people were quick to retract, and rescind their comments, but the lack of respect is appalling.  I hope that when I die, people actually care at all, instead of finding some reason that I deserved to die.  It doesn't make the mourning any easier to justify someone's death because of problems they had in their lives.

To the family of Erin Moran, I hope you get some comfort out of this.  I hope she gets the respect she deserves, and RIP Erin Moran.  To the people who had no class but to bash her in death, have some respect.  You need some more compassion in your life.  

Learning by Example, the Dumbing Down of Today.

Sunday morning, I happened to read an interesting article.

Target is recalling Easter toys due to a serious ingestion hazard.

This got me to thinking.  Back when I was a kid, we had those little glow sponge toys.  They started off like little pills and you'd throw them water and in about 30 seconds to a minute, it'd turn into this sponge dinosaur.  I used to love those things.  One thing I knew though: not to ingest them.  Why?

I was at an age where I knew better.

Yes, on each package, there is a list of ages of people who can play with a particular toy.  Usually this has to do with the fact that:

1. The toy is too complex for a little kid to understand.  This can mean that it would only really be fun for someone of an appropriate age to play with.
2. Choking hazard or some other hazard.  This would be a toy that in the hands of a little kid could pose a serious choking hazard.  This would include things like toy cars (where the wheels can come off), or in this case, these toys that are being recalled.

So, apparently, either people aren't reading the age limits on them and buying them for people too young to have them, or people aren't properly supervising their kids around these toys.  Anyone who was a kid in this day and age has seen this type of toy before.  We all pretty much understand what they do.  Wouldn't it make sense to teach kids, "This is NOT to be eaten."  When did we lose common sense???

Ok.  This doesn't seem that big of a deal.  One toy got recalled because of a serious ingestion hazard.  I get it.  But just think of the ramifications.  I may be "over-estimating" the severity of things, but bear with me.

As a kid, I was the idiot who grabbed a bottle of VO-5, put a huge amount on my small hands, and washed my hair with it.  Considering that I didn't need that much shampoo, and I will say that I was balling but 10 seconds later because soap got in my eyes.   But I will tell you one thing:

I learned my lesson.

 Toys we had back in the day are now being affected because they have been deemed "dangerous."  I've done things that people in today's over-protective environment would say is "dangerous."  And look at me, 34 years old, and still alive.

But people can't ignore common sense when it comes to things.  Apparently, this is the day and age of the lawsuit.  "MY KID SWALLOWED YOUR PRODUCT AND HAD TO HAVE SURGERY!! I AM GOING TO SUE YOU!!!"  And the response becomes: The product becomes recalled.

What's next?  Recall VO-5 because a kid's eyes had to be flushed because he used shampoo intended for adults??  Might as well ban anything that has watch batteries, because guess what?  They can be opened up and those batteries can be ingested by a little kid.  To me, the simplest solution is to watch your kid, and keep small objects like that put away.  If you buy a toy like the Easter toys that are being recalled, make sure you are giving them to a kid who knows what they are and what they do.  If the kid doesn't understand, then don't buy them!! Plain and simple.  Not too hard to figure out!!

Relationship Advice in a Social World

"Nothing breaks the bridges of love, except a weak foundation." - self

Yes, that is a quote I came up with several years ago.  If you have a relationship with a strong foundation, then you have a love that can never be broken. 

However, nowadays, about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  How is this possible?  What is going on?  Is my quote inaccurate now???

I will contend that my quote is still just as accurate as it has always been, but there are now changes that make the foundations of relationships a little weaker.  How do we build indestructible foundations to create this permanent love?  Allow me to provide a little advice (with a little modern flair).

First of all, any foundation must be solid.  To build a solid foundation, we can not build the outer layers first and then fail to build the core within the relationship.  To build a solid core, you must first get to know the person you are with.  This is important.  A lot of relationships jump right into the sack too soon.  This creates a relationship without a solid core.  You have a relationship, but you don't really know the person you are with.  In this case, you are playing a gambling game.  So, if intimacy isn't the way to know someone, then what is?

The answer to everything in a relationship is: communication.  Plain and simple.  You must communicate with the person you are with.  You can not build any foundation without communication.  To build the core of the relationship, you must communicate with the person you are with.

Once you learn who the person you are with is, then what comes next?  Trust.  You must build trust with the person you are with.  Trust is one of things that is easy to lose.  It is difficult to gain, and easy to lose.  How do we build trust?

Again... communication.  You must continue to communicate with your significant other.  Do not be afraid to let down your guard and let this person in.  Revealing yourself to your partner allows your partner to trust you.  But trust is something that needs to be maintained.  If you've let your partner in, but fail to keep the lines of communication open, your partner will start to feel like you are hiding something.  Once that trust is lost, it is HARD to get that trust back.  The perfect analogy to this is like trying to push a rock up a hill.  You need to keep pushing that rock upwards.  If you slip up, you have to rebuild that momentum to get moving forward again.  And if you let it go completely, it rolls back down and you lose that trust completely.

The more trust you build, the stronger your foundation becomes.

Now, communication still continues to be important.  Even after you trust each other, you must be prepared to fix any issue that arises. Fights will happen.  This is normal.  What is important is, again... communication (WITH EACH OTHER!!!!).  You must communicate your point of view to your partner, and your partner should communicate his/her point of view with you.  Then find some type of solution to it.  Now, this could be coming up with a compromising solution where you give a little, and your partner gives a little, but together, you reach a common agreement, or it could be a give and take, where you let your partner have his/her way this time.

Now, note the all caps in the previous paragraph.  In today's day and age, people think it is acceptable to "have it out" on social media sites.  This is a BAD, BAD decision.  When you duke it out on social media, you are inviting friends into your fight.  This means that you are NOT communicating with each other, but are instead communicating to your friends, and looking for validation behind your point of view.  What you are doing is building an army and going to war against your partner.  Does this sound like a couple who wants things to work???

No.

The days of social media have made it harder for relationships to work.  Couples who fight now pit their friends against their partner, and their partner against their friends.  It turns into a complicated mess.  If I have a friend who is fighting it out on Facebook with their partner, I will therefore feel pressured to side with my friend over my friend's partner, even though my friend's partner may be right.  And in the end: no communication ever happens with each other.  No solutions are ever come up with.  No one comes up with a resolution, therefore the fighting escalates.

You can not solve a problem by building an army and going to war against your partner.  Hoping to destroy your partner KILLS your relationship.  The bridge is broke.  There is no repairing it.  What you need to do is mend those paths together.  You need to work together with your partner to patch up the road.  And to do that, you must actually put down the weapons, get rid of the army, and practice diplomacy with each other, and actually fix the problem.  No war was ever "peacefully" resolved with killing.  In the end, peace treaties are signed when two people actually get together and talk.

Communication is the key to everything, in the end.  And today, people do not communicate enough with each other.  People are spending too much time apart, getting caught up in their own lives, and dealing with their own problems.  Remember, in a successful relationship, your problems are also your partner's problems.  Help each other work through them.  People keep building up armies against each other.  Try resolving your issues in a peaceful manner, before the need to build an army even arises.  Even in marriage, foundations must be maintained.  There is no such thing as "the indestructible foundation,"  but a foundation that is maintained, with proper communication, will last for as long as you make it last.


As always, thanks for reading.  Feel free to leave comments if my advice helped you at all.  Also, if you feel that this advice is "on-point," share the knowledge with someone you feel could benefit from this.  With approximately 50% of all marriages ending in divorce, I feel that this is a message that needs to be to be read. :)

Like A Boss

How do you motivate a team to do good work for you?  Do you be nice to your coworkers and expect that they'll do good work for you in kind, or do you yell at your employees and expect that they'll work hard because they feel their job is in jeopardy if they fail?

Which is the best approach?

I have been in those shoes before.  I have been in a position where I was in charge of a staff of employees, so I have some first-hand knowledge on this topic.  As a supervisor, you still have bosses who demand a lot from you.  And you, in turn, have to expect a lot from your employees.  If you employees fail, you fail.  So, there is a lot of pressure for a supervisor to get his/her team to perform at a satisfactory level.  But what is the best approach to get employees to work?

If a boss has a tendency to be nice with their employees, then the work place environment becomes casual.  Casual work environments have pros and cons associated with them.  The good thing with a positive work environment is that morale is high.  Workers who are happy at their jobs want to stick around so retention is high.  They'll enjoy their job and usually leave work in a good mood.  They'll get work done, and the employees will feel open to voice any concerns that they have with their boss.  After all, their boss is their friend too! :) [All smiles and wonderful things here]!! :D :D :D

However, this does create other problems.  In a casual work environment, the employees are shielded from the reality of what is really going on.  Employees usually do not realize that despite getting work done, they aren't getting enough work done.  Because it is a casual, friendly environment with a friend as a supervisor, the supervisor never takes any initiative to motivate his/her employees to work harder.  Therefore, they constantly fail to meet deadlines, and they fall behind as a result.  While this is happening, the supervisor gets yelled at, and shields his/her team from it. Employees, therefore, do not realize that stress that their supervisor is under.  Two things happen then:

1. The supervisor ends up "taking one for the team" and doing the extra work.
2. The supervisor ends up losing his/her job due to incompetence to lead.

In either case, having a too casual work environment usually ends badly for the supervisor.  It doesn't negatively affect the coworkers, until they get yelled at by upper-management.  A lot of them may even leave when their supervisor gets let go.  Those who stick around lose morale as soon as a different supervisor takes over who isn't buddies with them. 

Now, another option is for the supervisor to be a "drill sergeant"  and ride their employee's asses to get the job done.  This is what I refer to as a "concentration camp." This leads to a lower morale with the employees.  The employees become afraid of discussing issues with their boss because they fear being yelled at.  The employees dread going to work everyday, so they tend to either A) come up with excuses to not go to work, B) work despite their issues and get extremely stressed out, or C) quit.

Having a boss yell all of the time hurts employee retention.  And this isn't just a small deal.  Those people who dealt with this boss, tell other people.  And soon word of your notoriety spreads.  Now, people won't even apply for the job because they know they'd have to deal with you.

On top of that, it doesn't change the fact that you are still getting your ass ridden by upper-management.  Your employees that DO work for you yet, have so little morale, they do not care if they get fired.  Therefore, they will work slowly, regardless of how much you yell or scream.  You could threaten their job, and they'd cower down and work, but be definitely considering their options.  Other employees that work hard for you, despite getting their asses ridden all of the time, start to stress out.  They tend to drink when off work, and are constantly stressed even at home.  This also leads to the condition where employees that work their asses off, feel all of the pressure is on them to do the extra work of the employees who don't work as hard.  Results are all that matter.  More than likely, the employees good deeds will not be noticed, nor complimented, and they'll just feel both emotionally and physically drained as a result.

One of the things I had learned at my previous job is that you don't yell at your employees.  You want to be firm and direct with them.  You want to make sure they know you are in charge and what you say goes.  But they also need to know that it is okay for them to talk to you about any issues they may have.  Keep your conversations direct and to the point.

As a supervisor, it is not your job to be friends with your employees.  You can be on friendly terms with them, but it is NOT recommended to be friends with them.  Employees will respect you more, if you seem authoritative and to the point.  Treat your employees with the same respect you would have them expect of you.  An employee with a good morale, and a good structured work environment will always be more productive.

As a shift lead, I had a staff of only 4 people at maximum.  We were horribly understaffed and unable to keep employee retention where it needed to be.  This was due to the fact that our shift was a weekend shift that ran during the summer, AND was overnight.  Being understaffed lead to a lot of stress, and we all felt it.  I had developed a motto at this point, "If you work for me, I will work with you."  This meant that as long as you were doing your job and putting forth effort at doing it, I would be right there next to you, busting my ass with you.  If you failed, I'd be right there with you.  We failed together.  But if you were a slacker, who didn't want to do the job or just didn't want to be there, then I would have you fired.  And, unfortunately, that did come up with an employee I had who just didn't care at all about the job or whether he even showed up to work on time.

Now, I work a job where I'm no longer a supervisor of any kind.  I had to step down and go back to square one with a completely different industry and job.  I have a boss who towards the beginning would yell at me for making mistakes.  I admit that I tend to make more mistakes when I'm overwhelmed by new information.  I work in a retail job and rules change from day to day.  I've heard it implied that you are not an adult if you don't like being yelled at.  That is simply not true.  Morale affects everyone equally, regardless of age.  The only difference is, the more qualified you are, the less you are likely to put up with it.  I don't get yelled at as much, and I feel more motivated to give it my all.  Getting yelled at destroys my morale, and my will to work.  The firm but friendly supervisor who acknowledges the good work I do, is the supervisor I want to work under.

Thanks for reading this!!  If you have any comments that you would like to add, feel free to share them below. :)